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“You know what,” his eyes flashed to mine again, “it doesn’t matter what I thought because obviously, I was wrong. And you’re right, that’s on me.”
He snapped his fingers, one loud click, and Princess jumped to attention. She raced after him as he started toward the gate that led to a small path between the house and the one next door, a short little gravel lined shortcut out to the parking lot. He stopped short, his hand resting on the latch, and turned back toward me. “For what it’s worth, Holly, regardless of how disappointed I am right now, you need to know that you’re worthy of whatever it is you want from life. The way I see it, your head is the biggest obstacle between you and the life you want.”
His words hit me right in the chest, and I sucked in a breath as though the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. Before I could think of a response, he disappeared from view, letting the gate swing shut behind him. I stood there, frozen in place for a long time, staring at the gate, my mind flying through everything he’d said and all the things I should have said in return.
When warmth finally came back into my body, I called for Hunter and went back inside the house. I kicked the French door closed behind us and it slammed with a solid thud, and the silence that was left in the aftermath was deafening. The hot tears I’d been holding back came rushing to the surface and there was no way to slow them down. They ran down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. I folded in half on the couch, curling my legs into my chest, and sobbed, gasping for each breath.
I cried about the end of my marriage, the pain of being cheated on and abandoned. I cried over the cruel things I’d said to Jack and for causing him so much heartache when he’d done nothing to deserve it. I cried at the realization that I was broken in ways I hadn’t even realized until he came into my life, and most of all…I cried over the fact that I didn’t know where to start the process of fixing it all.
Hunter jumped up on the edge of the couch, putting his paws near my hands. He whined and nudged at my arm with his cold nose. I reached over and stroked his head, which made him more eager to get all the way on the couch. I pat the place beside me, and he jumped up to join me.
“Mommy messed everything up, baby,” I whispered against his soft furry ears.
17
Holly
“Oh my gosh! This place is even better than I imagined!”
I followed behind Rachel, only halfway listening to her as she babbled on endlessly on her mostly self-guided tour of the house. Finally, after two days of wallowing on the couch, alternating between self-pity and self-loathing, I’d perked up a little to get the place ready for Rachel to arrive. I hadn’t told her anything more about Jack and decided it would be best to keep it that way. As I’d bustled around the house, straightening and cleaning, I resolved to let our week together be filled with only good times and making memories as friends.
When she’d seen the entire house, she led the way back downstairs, and went to check out the view once again. She spun around and grinned at me. “All right, you’re the vacay pro now, so what’s first on the agenda? I know you have one.” I tried to smile, but the result was probably more of a grimace. Rachel planted her hands on her hips and arched a thin brow at me. “What’s going on with you? It’s like you’re not even happy that I’m here.
“No, no, no. That’s not it. Not even a little bit. I’m very happy you’re here. Believe me…” my voice trailed off before I could confess that she was saving me from the third day in a row of mindless TV and a diet made exclusively of crackers and wine.
“Well, then, what’s going on? Did Hunter eat another pair of shoes?” She asked, shifting her eyes down to the puppy who had been absolutely jubilant to be reunited with his Auntie Rachel. “Huntey…what did I tell you about those?”
I smiled at Hunter as he swung around to look up at me, as though waiting for me to defend him. With Princess around, he’d been on his best behavior, and there hadn’t been any incidents for several days. The smile slid from my lips as the memory of them playing together on the beach in front of Joe’s crossed my mind.
“He’s been a good boy. I think we can finally check off the potty-trained box,” I said.
