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Hugo chuckled, shook his head and flashed me a wide smile. “You’re fucking incredible.”
“It’s been said on occasion,” I said with a smug grin. “For the record, I’ve been happy. My life wouldn’t be different no matter what you’d wished for. Sure, I felt hurt, angry, confused at why you traded me in for superstardom-”
“Heli…”
“I’m talking. But…it wasn’t just you. You going off on your own wasn’t the plan we made. I was supposed to be there. By your side, all the way.”
“You needed to go to uni, Heli. It was your dream.”
“I know, and I’m glad I did it. What I’m saying is, we both put our dreams first. There’s no blame here. I tried to find some for a long time…but…it’s not there. I think we need to accept that life took us in different directions for a while, but it doesn’t have to mean we stopped caring about each other.”
“Christ, Heli.” Hugo turned his head, tried to hide his eyes which had reddened around the edges.
“And you leaving didn’t stop me moving on, not really. I’ve had relationships. I started a business. Not everything worked out but that’s life, for us mere mortals anyway,” I teased. “You know how excited I was for you when you won the show. You deserved it and I’ve never changed my mind about that. I’m happy for the life you’ve got, truly, and I’m happy with mine.”
I reached out to take hold of his hand but ended up scooting closer when I saw his expression crumple into sorrow. I rushed to correct my mistake. I’d been able to read Hugo’s mind before I could read words in books. He was an overthinker, a literal thinker. I should’ve used my brain. “That doesn’t mean it’s not an even happier life with you in it. I don’t have a word for what I’m feeling tonight. I honestly never thought I’d see you again, not in person.”
“Right.” He cocked a brow when realisation hit. “I, uh, imagine you’ve seen me around.”
“You could say that.”
His nose scrunched and he huddled forward. “Was that, I dunno, weird for you?” He sounded genuinely curious.
“Are you kidding? It was bloody insane! You were just Hugo, my best mate, and suddenly your face was everywhere. I’d drive to work and your voice would start coming out of my speakers. I’d overhear people talking about you in random places. Weird? It was…is…surreal.”
“I don’t feel like that guy, you know. The guy everyone talks about, the one whose face lights up Times Square sometimes. I still feel like that kid in high school. Your best friend.”
“You still act like him, too. I’m glad you’re here,” I told him, feeling grateful that, even after all these years, the friend I’d known and loved didn’t appear to have changed. I squeezed his hand, locked my fingers with his. It felt like they’d never been apart, and I didn’t want to let them go. Ever. My body betrayed me by yawning, my jaw stretching wide and refusing to loosen for a good five seconds. I checked the clock, saw four AM approaching and wished stopping time was as simple as taking a hammer to it. “You’ll need to leave soon, I guess.” My heart sank as soon as I’d said it. “I suppose you have a driver outside or something.” I felt bad, then, imagining the poor guy waiting outside in the cold all this time. I should’ve invited him in, or at least taken him some coffee.
“I drove myself. Being famous, it’s not like the movies make out, you know. Sometimes, you might wanna prepare yourself for this, I even wipe my own arse.”
Laughing, I slapped his chest. How was I supposed to know? The closest I’d ever been to a famous person was being in the queue behind the actress who’d played Bet Lynch in Coronation Street in Matalan one time. I’d bragged about it for days afterwards.
“I don’t need to be anywhere just yet.” As he said that, he sprawled back into the settee cushions and extended his arm. “Can I hold you, Heli? Just for a little bit?” It sounded like a dream. The words, the tone of his voice… Part of me became afraid that I’d never woken up on the settee earlier, that I was still there, deep in slumber. That in a few hours I’d wake up with my hand in that sticky gravy and Hugo would still be nothing but a haunting memory…
“I’d like that.”
Seven
Hugo
Pins and needles in my arm roused me from sleep. Eyes still closed, I flexed my fingers a little, but I didn’t move. I stayed still despite the stiffness in my legs and the ache in my neck. Feeling Helen in my arms, I’d never been more at ease. Somehow, my body knew whose skin was warming mine and it accepted it without question. Helen felt like the password to the hard drive that was my brain. She unlocked it all, my ability to love, be loved…be touched. Held. Content.
