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As they got off the bus and made their way toward the palace gates, Ashley said, “Regardless of what you did when you were younger, your mom must be so proud of you now.”
Nash looked grim as he replied, “She passed away not long after I signed my first record deal at eighteen. But my music was never her thing. She was never proud of me a day in her life.”
“I’m sorry you lost her so young.”
“It was a long time ago,” he said with a shrug.
Though he was obviously trying to brush it off, she could see from his grim expression that it didn’t matter how long ago it had been—his mother’s lack of pride in his achievements, along with losing her, hurt him.
“I’m still really sorry for what you went through, Nash.”
“You don’t need to waste your pity on me,” he insisted. “She was a single mom, like you. She got pregnant at seventeen, also like you. But that was where any similarities to you end. You’re a great mom to Kevin. She wasn’t a great mom to me. I get that her parents weren’t good people and that she had some hard knocks early in her life, but…” He let out a harsh breath. “My childhood sucked. I couldn’t wait to get away.”
Though Nash wasn’t asking for Ashley’s thoughts about his mother’s motivations, the two of them had already shared so much today that she felt compelled to give them to him anyway. “I wonder if part of why she acted that way was because she thought that if you left her, you’d be able to find something better. A better family. A better life.”
He thought about it for a few moments. Then he shook his head. “Or maybe she was a drunk and junkie who never should have had a kid. When I was sixteen, I bought an old junker of a van, then built out the inside so I could live in it. I dropped out of school, packed my guitar, and hit the road. I’ve been moving from place to place ever since.”
His difficult childhood surely must have been behind the troubles he’d had in his past, and it broke her heart. “I had a baby my senior year of high school, but at least I was lucky enough to be surrounded by my family. I can’t imagine what leaving behind everyone and everything I knew at sixteen would have been like.”
“I had it easy compared to you, Ash. You had a kid to take care of. Whereas I only had myself to worry about. If I didn’t want to eat right, I didn’t eat right. If I didn’t want to sleep much, I didn’t sleep much. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it.”
She wondered if he realized that he’d just used her nickname. It felt right, though. “Is that when you started writing songs and playing shows?” she asked.
At last, his grim expression disappeared. “Do you have any idea how nice it is to be with someone who doesn’t already know everything about my life?”
“I do know your music,” she admitted. “I’ve just never been someone who reads celebrity magazines or watches much TV. And I didn’t mean for my questions to feel like an interview. You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.”
“Our conversation doesn’t feel anything like an interview, Ash. First of all, I’m never friends with journalists. And I’ve sure as hell never kissed any of them.”
She couldn’t stop the smile from taking over her face, even if his reference to their kiss made her blush too. For a moment, his eyes did that smoldering thing, and she almost wondered if he was going to kiss her again. On purpose this time.
Instead, he answered her question. “Yeah, that’s when I started playing shows. I needed money for gas and food, and I had all these songs I’d written that I’d never played for anyone, so I went to some open mics and ended up being offered the chance to play while people ate and drank and talked over my songs.”
“I’ve always thought that must be hard for performers in restaurants. Did it hurt your feelings when they didn’t listen?”
“Sure, it did. But it also helped me remember why I was doing it. I wrote music and played songs because I needed to write and play them. Other people liking them was a bonus, rather than the reason. Anyone making art to try to get validation from others is in for a rude awakening, because there will always be people who want to bring you down.”
“You have such a healthy outlook on things,” she said. “Although now that everybody loves your music, I can’t imagine anyone would dare to be so rude if you were playing for them now.”
