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He’d never cried over his mom, not even when he’d heard about the fire. He hadn’t wanted to allow himself to cry over someone who had been so cruel. But cruel or not, she had been his mother. And he’d always wanted her love, even if she had been incapable of giving it.
At last, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “I drove away that night, determined to come back filthy, stinking rich. I wanted to shove my money and success in her face. I wanted to show her how wrong she was about me.” Then he admitted to Ashley what he’d never admitted to anyone before. “I wanted to come back as a star so that she’d finally be proud of me.”
For a small woman, Ashley was full of strength. Her arms were still around him as she moved fully onto his lap and held him tight, absorbing his pain so that he could finally be absolved of it.
With her huge heart, she took in the sadness of his childhood, the hurt of that final fight with his mom, the pain of losing her in such a horrific away, the trauma of having worked his entire life to try to find the love and support and respect he’d never had as a child.
When she finally drew back, her cheeks were wet. “Your mom might never have said it, but I’m going to say it right now, because it’s the truest thing of all.” She stared into his eyes and let him see everything she was feeling, holding nothing back. “You are worthy of love, Nash. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. And I love you.”
All day long, he’d steeled himself to keep from kissing her, touching her. But now he had to crush his mouth to hers.
He needed her to know that by expressing her love for him in the most genuine and sweet and compassionate of ways, she’d given him a gift beyond measure.
The greatest gift he’d ever had.
But then she tore her mouth from his, clearly intent on saying more. “I didn’t say that to try to make you stay in Bar Harbor, or to influence you in any way to be with me. I just needed to say it because you have to know how lovable you are. And also because it’s what I’m feeling. I’ve always been honest with you, and I always will be.”
He put one hand on her cheek while holding her tightly around her waist with the other. “Ashley, I—”
She shook her head. “Please, don’t say anything back to me right now. It’s okay for me to give you my love, and for you to accept it, without you owing me anything in return. That’s how love works when it’s unconditional.”
He stroked her cheek, gazing at her in wonder. “What did I ever do to deserve this time with you?”
She smiled at him, then simply said, “You’re you. That’s all you’ve ever needed to do. That’s all you’ve ever needed to be. Just you.”
This time, she was the one kissing him, and when they finally came up for air, she whispered, “Make love to me, Nash. One more time. Here, in my favorite place. So that after you’re gone, I can come back here to remember the magic between us.”
He hated hearing her talk about him in past tense, like he was already gone. But if he didn’t have the words to say he loved her, how could he possibly find the words to tell her he would stay?
Because he wouldn’t stay. He couldn’t. They both knew that.
But right here, right now, he could give her his body. His pleasure. And so much more of his heart than he had ever given to anyone else. More than he would ever give to anyone but her. Nash couldn’t imagine ever trusting anyone the way he trusted Ashley.
Their picnic spot was surprisingly private, as they’d had to walk a narrow path through the forest to get to it. Still, it was too risky to strip off all their clothes. They’d have to be a little stealthy in case anyone came upon them.
Fortunately, she was wearing a skirt, one that flowed around her calves when she walked. If he were a better man, he would have forced himself to keep his hands off her. But no matter what she’d said about his having a good heart, there was a core of wickedness in him that was undeniable. And he needed her so badly, too damn badly, to resist her request to make love to her one more time.
Holding her face, he kissed her deeply. Her hands roamed over his chest and abs before reaching his belt buckle. He loved when she took his clothes off, loved watching her elegant hands work so diligently to get what she wanted. What they both wanted.
