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“Incredible,” Lasso whispered, and I opened my eyes to find him standing above me, one hand resting on my shoulder in a proprietary manner. Like I was his and he was mine.
“Yeah, it’s incredible. It’s not too fast is it? Or too slow? Which is worse, fast or slow?” My head was spinning with a thousand questions, more pressing than ever, now that my kid’s heartbeat was the soundtrack to my mental processes.
“Baby’s healthy. As it should be.”
With my nerves settled, I cleaned up and redressed, making an appointment for the next month before Lasso escorted me out of the hospital with one hot hand on my lower back. “That was amazing. My baby’s heartbeat.”
“Our baby’s heartbeat. It’s my baby too.”
I sighed and accepted his help getting into the SUV. “I’m not trying to take away your role in all this, Lasso. But you never said you wanted to be involved and I can’t afford to wait until you decide.”
“You’re kidding right?” He shifted the gear back to Park and turned to me. “I asked you to marry me at least fifteen times and you still haven’t given me an answer.”
“You don’t love me!”
“And you don’t love me, so fucking what? We’re having a baby.”
He just didn’t get it.
“We all didn’t have the luxury of a loving home and an idyllic childhood, Lasso. You walked away from yours for good reasons but I’d like a chance to have that for myself and for my kid.”
It wasn’t something I’d ever admitted out loud—ever—because it was my dream, just for me. If it didn’t work out, no one would ever know.
“And you think I can’t give you that?”
“I think that without love, the hard shit is that much harder to deal with. When you’re around out of obligation, it’s easier to book it when life gets too life-y.”
“So, you want love even if it kills our baby?”
“If the baby’s dead, I’m dead. Remember?” I turned away from him. “I’m not having this conversation. Let’s go.”
He put the car in Drive, fuming as he turned out of the parking lot. He was a man not used to feeling helpless and I knew it had to eat him up inside, but this was my life. I couldn’t let him just start running it now. He would never stop, and I’d never be able to take care of myself again.
“I’m not trying to be an asshole, Rocky.”
“I know, but you are trying to get me to make decisions about my life that I’m not ready to make. I know Genesis is nuts and that can be dangerous, and I’ve seen his goons’ work, so I know what I’m up against. But I can’t—no I won’t—compromise myself just to make you feel better.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No,” he sighed and looked in his rearview mirror for at least the tenth time since we started driving. “I’m so fucking worried, Rocky. All the damn time, do you get that? I don’t usually worry about anything, so this has kind of fucked me up, okay?”
“Was that so hard? I mean I know you guys live and die by the idea that you’re so frustratingly emotionally constipated that nothing real ever gets discussed.”
“Quiet,” he growled.
“Don’t tell me to be quiet, dammit! Just listen one damn minute.”
“Rocky, shut up!”
My mouth snapped shut and I stared at him.
“That car has been following us since we left the hospital. Does it look familiar?”
I turned over my shoulder to see what had spooked the big bad Lasso. A shiver went down my spine when I saw the yellow Trans Am with a black dragon on the front hood. I knew it well.
“That’s Big Boy’s pride and joy.”
