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“Hey, hey Rocky! Breathe.” I turned, shocked to find Lasso right in front of me, on his knees, his big blue eyes looking hella concerned. “Breathe in, two three, and out two three four.” He repeated it two more times and I followed along until my heart, that I hadn’t even realized was racing, began to slow down.
&nbs
p; “Thanks.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just feeling a tad overwhelmed for a minute.” It was an understatement, but the telltale pulse at the base of my throat said otherwise.
“By just sitting here?”
“No,” I told him and rolled my eyes in frustration. “Thinking about my future and making plans, okay? Jeez, I’m fine.”
Can’t a girl freak out about her future without everyone going a little crazy? I didn’t need Lasso to try and figure me out. Men only wanted to get into a woman’s head for two reasons, to fuck us or control us, and I wasn’t in the market for either of those things.
“You’ve been sick a lot.” His words were said plainly but something about them just put me off.
“Yeah well, if they called it all day sickness, women might make better birth control decisions.” The really twisted part of all this was that we had used birth control. “Too bad no one tells you antibiotics cancel out the pill until it’s already failed. The bastards.”
His blue eyes bugged out. “No shit?”
“No shit,” I said and let the conversation die because it was obvious Lasso had something on his mind. “What are you doing back so early, I thought you were at the tattoo shop until eight?” He looked embarrassed and wouldn’t look at me.
I knew what it was about. I’d had the same thought about a few roommates before I’d finally gotten my own place. I stood and picked up my basket of yarn and my sticks, making sure I kept all of my shit in the tiny guest closet he’d let me use. “I’m not going to steal your shit, Lasso. But I’ll leave with you in the morning and spend the day someplace else until you come back.” He followed me to the closet where I put my things away and grabbed a book. “I’ll be out of here in another day or so.”
“Where are you going,” he asked, frowning at me from the doorway because he was too damn big to even fit in this room.
“I don’t know yet, but I’m working on a plan and in a few days, I’ll have it as close to perfect as it can get.”
If there was one thing in this life I did well, it was make plans. Logistics.
He sighed, arms crossed so his t-shirt pulled across a wide, muscled chest and thick, round biceps. “I didn’t say you had to leave, Rocky. You should do something about that chip on your shoulder before it squashes you.”
Maybe he was right. I probably did have a chip on my shoulder, but it was well fucking earned. “You didn’t have to say it, you were trying very hard not to say it. But this is your place, and no one should make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Least of all me.”
“I don’t know what the hell that even means, but it sounds to me like you’re trying to kick up shit.”
Of course, it did, because I was a hormonal female and every emotion I had wasn’t because he was a suspicious dick, but because I couldn’t control my emotions.
“I have no control over what you think. Now if you don’t mind, I think I need to rest.” I closed the door in his face, climbed onto the small twin bed and promptly fell asleep.
It was as fitful as all of my sleep had been for the past two weeks.
***
I woke up early, grabbed my purple yoga mat and took it to the quiet solitude of the early morning. The only sounds this time of day were birds chirping and singing back and forth, presumably about where they would fly for the day. I tried to get up early and do yoga at least two or three times a week because it helped me stay grounded.
Today I needed it with a capital N thanks to another night of disturbingly delicious sex dreams featuring a man named Lasso mixed in with dreams of what my future would look like if Genesis got his hands on me. Again. I woke up at four and hadn’t been able to get back to sleep. After two hours of staring at the ceiling, I got up and slipped into my yoga clothes.
I’d been standing upright for at least thirty minutes without any trace of nausea or the urge to vomit. Either morning sickness was over, or I’d confused my body enough by getting up a few hours earlier than normal. Whatever the cause, I accepted it with nothing but gratitude.
It might not last all day though. So I finished up, rolled up my mat and set it beside the door, and went inside to rustle up some breakfast. This small bit of freedom from nausea meant I could actually enjoy breakfast. I pulled out spinach, eggs, salsa and avocado for the biggest, fattest omelet my belly had seen in what felt like ages.
With a big, greedy smile I sat down and dug in.
“Damn, something smells good in here!” Lasso’s bare feet hit the bottom of the steps with a loud smack, his wide, lazy gait eating up the kitchen floor. “Please tell me you made enough for two?”
“Didn’t think you’d be up yet.” I didn’t really know what time he got up though, because I’d planned to make sure I was long gone in case he thought I was trying to lift a few of his precious possessions.
