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“I accused her of liking you.” I plant myself on the arm of the couch opposite of him.
Staring at me, I don’t think he blinks for a solid thirty seconds. “And why would you do that?”
“Honest answer? Jealousy.”
Confusion has him shaking his head. “Why would you be jealous of Marlow?”
He makes it sound like such an impossibility to be jealous of a five-foot-seven blond beauty who’s prettier than any actress in the movies. She’s wealthy, funny, and has great style. What’s not to be jealous of? “That you two get to be public when we have to hide what we are.”
His brows cinch together. “Marlow and I aren’t in public together, not more than friends when the six of us hang out. It’s only for her dad, and we haven’t even had to perform.”
“Yet.”
“Yet is correct.” He moves closer, leaning forward to rest his hands on my legs. “I know this makes no sense. Believe me when I tell you that it didn’t make any sense to me either. But sometimes, we do things as a means to an end. The partners at the firm knew I was having a meeting with Bob Marché, and they expected me to close it to make sure our firm was attached to his case. So I couldn’t walk away.”
“You couldn’t walk away from Bob, but why couldn’t you walk away from Marlow on this one thing?”
He rubs his hands down the back of my legs, pausing to hold my calves. When he looks back at me, he says, “It felt like a package deal.”
“You work off logic and reasoning, not feelings, Counselor. Why the change in direction this time?”
“My honest answer,” he starts, looping to what we should always be—honest. “I don’t know. She was trying to talk me into it. I said no at first, but then in some twisted dimension of my brain, she started to make sense. Add in the pressure I feel from the partners to keep her dad as a client, and I can’t explain it more than that. But I did make a commitment—to her and the firm.”
He runs off logic, but I can’t seem to explain his reasoning to my heart. I only know how it makes me feel. “So it doesn’t matter what I say? You’re going to continue this charade?”
“I made a promise,” he says with finality, giving me a peek into his attorney side.
“And you made me your girlfriend.”
That’s the difference when it all boils down. I could overlook the Marlow thing when Rad and I were just having fun, when I didn’t really have a say in anything. But he asked me to be his girlfriend, and for some reason, that makes this thing with Marlow feel different.
Shouldn’t it matter what I think? Shouldn’t he take my feelings into consideration? I know Rad. He’s always so thoughtful. Maybe that’s why it feels more like the tip of a betrayal digging into my heart this time.
His jaw hardens, but his eyes remain softer, gazing upon me—his aura a dichotomy. “Are you making me choose, Tealey?”
Getting to my feet again, I shake my head in frustration and take a deep breath to help stave off the sadness threatening to fill my chest. “No, Rad. I can’t make you do the right thing.” I start for my bedroom, aware that this conversation is not only coming to an end but also hitting rock bottom. I need to end it before we both say something we’ll regret.
He asks, “Is it so wrong?” I stop just shy of the door. “When no one’s getting hurt?” That’s what Marlow said.
I glance back. “You sure about that?”
The first crack in my heart was felt in the cab with Marlow. I didn’t expect it to break with Rad altogether.
I shut my door and climb into bed. I can smell his cologne lingering on the pillow, the sheets still rumpled from this morning. We’ve staked claim to both beds like we always knew we’d have the luxury of using both. Now, lying here with the early evening light sneaking in through the blinds, I start to wonder if we were occupying both so we’d always have the option to return, if needed.
Is it needed?
My heart races, my breathing shallow. I push up on my hands and hate this—all of it. The situation, that it feels like there are sides to choose, and most of all, my jealousy.
These two people are my friends, and I know they aren’t out to hurt me. I know that. This scenario was in place before I moved in, and I need to give them a bit of grace as they try to navigate it. At least until Rad makes partner.
My emotions swirling, I’m quick to the door. But when I pull it open, he’s already standing outside it.
