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“I’m not saying that.” I reached out, scratching Jadis under the chin as she plopped down by my hip.
“Then what are you saying?”
What was I saying? I watched Jadis close her eyes and stick her head up. “I don’t know.”
“Really?”
I pressed my lips together. “It’s just that I…I know my death is inevitable—”
“You’re mortal, Sera. But most mortals don’t live as if their life is already forfeit.”
But mine was.
It had been forfeited before I was even born.
The tension was thick as Ash, with Jadis hanging over one of his broad shoulders, and I parted ways. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me not wanting to stay in my chambers but rather with the perceived lack of value I had for my life.
But how could I value it when it had never truly been mine?
Feeling so very tired, I shuffled into my bedchamber. I had ended up agreeing to Ash’s request, something I should’ve simply done as soon as he made it.
I picked up my robe, slipping it on. Rubbing my aching jaw, I sat on the settee and tried to figure out why I had argued with Ash. I didn’t like to be hidden away. I was so tired of that. And risk or not, I didn’t plan to spend however long it took for me to carry out my duty hidden away despite the risks. But what had provoked me earlier was more than that.
It was how I had shared things with him that I had never spoken out loud before. And how his words had lifted some of the darkness from me. It was the ink on his skin and what it represented. It was how last night had nothing to do with my duty and a lot to do with what Nektas had shared. All of that had left me reeling, feeling off-kilter…
Feeling as if I had been presented with something I must do that felt impossible in ways I’d never considered before.
I eventually dragged myself into the bathing chamber and got ready. Since my head ached as it did, I left my hair down and went to the wardrobe. With most of my clothing being laundered, the only thing left was one of the gowns.
Forcing myself to feel grateful that I even had clean clothing to wear, I changed into a simple, long-sleeve day gown a pretty shade of deep, cobalt blue. Hiking up the skirt, I fastened the sheathed dagger to the side of my boot. I’d just finished tightening the stays on the almost too-tight bodice when a knock sounded on the door. Hoping my chest actually stayed in the gown, I found Ector standing in the hallway, his hand resting on the hilt of a sword.
“Are you tasked with standing guard outside my chambers again?”
Several fair strands of hair slid over his forehead as he tilted his head to the side. “If I lied, would you believe me?”
“No.”
A brief smile appeared. “I thought you might like to walk the courtyard since I got the distinct impression that you do not like to stay in the bedchamber.”
“Does this distinct impression include me complaining about having to stay in my bedchamber?” I asked.
“Possibly.”
Every part of my being preferred to be outside instead of in my chamber, even with my aching head. “His Highness said that I must remain in my bedchamber.”
Ector had lifted a brow at the His Highness part. “As long as we’re not near the southern gates, you will not be seen.”
“Okay.” I stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind me.
Seeming to fight a smile, he nodded and extended an arm toward the end of the hall, where a less elaborate staircase was located that fed into one of the many side entrances of the palace. “After you.”
I started forward, only taking a handful of steps before something occurred to me. I glanced over at the god, who had fallen into step beside me. “Did he tell you it was okay for me to go into the courtyard?”
There was no need to clarify who he was. “Possibly,” Ector replied and opened the heavy door.
As we traveled the winding, narrow staircase, I refused to acknowledge the fact that Ash had been thinking of me, even though I knew he was highly irritated. We stepped out into the placid air near an unguarded section of the Red Woods. I really had no desire to go near that place again, so I veered to our left, toward the area where Reaver had been learning to fly. It was on the west wall close to the front gates, but we wouldn’t be seen.
We walked along the Rise in silence for several minutes. High above us, a guard patrolled. “Are all the guards gods or…”
“They’re a mixture of gods and mortals,” he answered. “There are even a few godlings.”
