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I snapped my mouth shut because what could I really say to that? His smirk deepening, he stared down at me, and it took everything in me not to try and defend the indefensible. “Was it Kolis who sent the dakkais and the draken?”
“Yes,” he answered.
My gaze dropped to the tear in his shirt. Was the wound still bleeding? That warm pulse in my chest nudged at me. “So, he knows I’m here.”
“He knows something is here,” he corrected. “He does not know the source, and that’s how I plan to keep it.”
There was a stupid skip in my chest. “Because you believe your father did something else besides putting the ember of life in my bloodline.”
His lips thinned. “I know he must have had a reason that goes beyond keeping the ember of life alive. If that were the case, he wouldn’t have put it in a mortal’s body. And until I figure out why he did what he did, Kolis will not get his hands on you.”
A deeper, fiery sting lanced across my chest as I squeezed my hands together. I forced my voice to steady. “And until then?”
“We will see.”
Meaning, if he discovered that the ember of life was simply just that, he could very well decide to end me. Though, I didn’t think he would. He wouldn’t do that to the mortal realm if there were even a slight chance that Aios was right. “That’s not what I meant.”
He raised a brow. “It’s not?”
“Will Kolis send others here to discover the source?” I asked.
“We’ll most likely have a short reprieve,” he told me.
The draken’s taunting words resurfaced. “And you? What will he do to you for hiding the source of this power?”
His features sharpened. “That’s none of your concern.”
“Bullshit.”
Nyktos’ eyes flared wide as eather slid into his irises. “Come again?”
“You said it was none of my concern. I said that’s bullshit,” I repeated, and the Primal’s head tilted to the side. Behind him, Nektas quietly moved forward. “How many people died tonight?”
The Primal didn’t respond.
“How many?” I insisted.
“At least twenty,” Saion answered from near the front of the chamber, his voice echoing. “We’re still waiting to hear if any in Lethe passed.”
I shuddered. Twenty. And that didn’t include those who were injured.
“Don’t pretend as if you care about the people here,” Nyktos snarled, taking a step toward me.
Every muscle in me stiffened as anger unfurled. “I am not pretending. I don’t want to see people die because of me.”
His chin dipped. “Only me. Right?”
A bitter, acidic taste and burn pooled in my mouth and unfurled in my chest as my hands flexed.
Eather pulsed in Nyktos’ eyes. “Is that shame I feel from you?” He laughed, the sound nothing like the ones I’d heard from him before. “Or are you that good of an actress? I think you are.” His gaze swept over me, his lip curling. “And I also think you forgot to list acting alongside making bad choices as one of your many…talents.”
I sucked in air that burned my throat. What he was referencing didn’t pass me by. He was talking about him and me on the balcony. The stab of his words cut deep enough that I forgot I wasn’t alone.
“And now you feign hurt?” Nyktos shook his head as that lip curled again. The disgust there…it bore down on me. “That is beneath even you.”
My jaw unhinged. “Stop reading my fucking emotions!” I shouted, and Saion peeled away from the wall, his eyes growing wide. “Especially if you aren’t even going to believe what you’re reading, you jackass!”
Nyktos stilled. Everything about him ceased.
And that probably should’ve been warning enough that I may have finally pushed too hard. But I was beyond…I was simply beyond everything. “Do you really think I wanted to do this to you? To anyone? It was the only way we believed we could save our people. It was all I’d been taught. For my entire life. It’s all I’ve ever known.” My voice cracked, and I drew in another sharp, too-tight breath. “I would say I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t blame you for that, but don’t you dare insinuate that what I’ve done with you was purely an act or that what I’m feeling is fake when I’ve spent my entire godsdamn life not being allowed to want or even feel anything for myself! Not when I spent the last three years hating myself for the relief I felt when you didn’t take me because it meant I didn’t have to do what was expected of me.”
Nyktos stared at me.
Silence drenched the room, and I realized that I was shaking. My entire body. I’d never spoken those words out loud. Never. My heart thundered as a knot expanded and grew in my throat, threatening to choke me. “I know what I am. I’ve always known. I am one of the worse sort. A monster,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “But don’t you ever tell me how I feel.”
