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Please don’t bite my hand off. Please don’t bite my hand off. I really needed my hand for lots of things—like eating, dressing, handling weapons…
The wolf’s ears perked as it sniffed the hand free of its blood. Fear punched through me. Oh, gods, it was going to bite my hand, and I’d have no one to blame but—
The wolf licked the center of my palm and then turned, running off on steady legs before quickly disappearing into the gathering shadows between the elms. I didn’t move for a full minute.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered, all but sinking into a puddle of relief on the ground.
Heart racing, I looked down at my hands. The blood that smeared my palm was dark against my skin. I wiped away what I could in the cool grass beside me.
I’d never used my gift on an animal I hadn’t seen pass, and I had never used it on a mortal, even though I’d come close with Odetta. If she hadn’t been alive…
I would’ve broken my rule.
I believed all living beings had souls. Animals were one thing, and mortals were completely different. To bring back a mortal felt unthinkable. It was…it seemed like a line that couldn’t be uncrossed, and there was too much power in that—in the choice to intervene or not. That was the kind of power and choice I didn’t want.
No one knew how I’d gained such a gift or why I’d been marked for death before I was even born. It made no sense that I would carry an ability that linked me to the Primal of Life—to Kolis. Had he somehow learned of the deal and imparted me with the gift? Was that what Odetta had meant when she claimed the Arae had said that I was touched by both life and death? He was the King of Gods, after all. I imagined there was very little he didn’t know.
I lifted my palms once more. I hadn’t known when I entered the barn with Ezra that Tavius had followed us. When he saw what I’d done, he’d run straight for the Queen, who had been afraid that using such a gift would anger the Primal of Death.
Maybe she was right.
Perhaps that was why the Primal of Death had decided that he no longer needed a Consort. After all, I carried the ability to steal souls away from him.
There seemed to be many reasons…
I thought of when Sir Holland had sat me down after the incident with Butters and explained that I hadn’t done anything wrong by bringing Butters back. That it wasn’t something to fear. He had helped me, at six years old, to understand why I had to be careful.
“What you can do is a gift, a wonderful one that is a part of who you are,” he’d said, kneeling so we were at eye level. “But it could become dangerous for you if others were to learn that you could possibly bring back their loved ones. It could anger the gods and Primals, for you to decide who should return to life and who should not. It is a gift given by the King of Gods, one that should be held close to your heart and only ever used when you’re ready to become who you were destined to be. Until then, you are not a Primal. Play as one, and the Primals might think you are.”
Sir Holland had been the only one to ever refer to it as a gift.
And what he had said made sense. Well, the part about it being a potential danger. People would do all manner of things to bring back their loved ones. Who knew how many went to the Sun Temples, asking for just that? But it was never granted.
Now, the part about me using the gift only when I was ready to be who I was destined to become didn’t exactly make much sense. I imagined he’d been talking about once I fulfilled my duty. I had no idea.
Closing my eyes, I let my hands fall to my lap as a heady warmth filled my chest. I’d felt that before when I used the gift. I hadn’t done it often. Just a few times on a stray dog struck by a carriage and a wounded rabbit. Nothing as large as a kiyou wolf.
The warmth invading my blood was stronger this time, and I figured it had to do with the size of the wolf. The feeling reminded me of how a swallow of whiskey seemed to blossom in the chest and then spread to the belly. The tension in my shoulders and neck eased.
It was a strange feeling, knowing that I had taken a life and then gave one back in the span of a few hours.
My thoughts drifted to that tiny babe. If I’d had a chance, would I have attempted to use my gift then? Would I have broken my rule?
