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I hate myself for feeling this way, about Hawk of all people, but there is no question. All of the old butterflies are back, and I have no idea how to fight them anymore.
And I’m not even sure I want to, I muse as my hand drifts between my legs.
Chapter 18
Hawk
I stand back and look at the stable, and I can’t believe how close we are to being done. It’s been two weeks since that night in the kitchen with Parrish, and we’ve been cutting each other a wide berth since then. I think we’re both afraid of what it means to be alone with each other, of what it means that every time we are alone, we can’t seem to keep our hands off one another. With the project nearing completion, and me on the verge of going back to Los Angeles, it’s given a stark sense of reality to all of our interactions, and I can feel her pulling away, putting more and more distance between us every time we speak.
And I don’t really blame her.
I feel like I’m being torn in two every time I look at her now. There is the part of me that is being forced to admit how I feel about her. That I may even really love her, more than I ever
thought I could love anyone. But there is a bigger part of me that can’t handle the idea of loving my brother’s wife, the idea of coming back to Dylan, and the ranch, for good, and wants to run screaming back to LA. I never expected it to be like this, and it’s making every day a fresh kind of hell.
It doesn’t help that Simone has gotten even more clingy the closer we get to the completion date. Every time I turn around, she’s there, asking me an irrelevant question, or taking a picture of me doing something completely benign. I’ve literally walked her over to my father, or Parrish, and even once, Sid and Anna, trying to get her to interview anyone else. But it feels like she’s explicitly trying to convince me of something that will never happen, no matter how hard I try and avoid her.
Even now, as I stand at the edge of the property, watching as the guys lay the concrete for the walkways around the new stable, I can feel her hovering behind me. I try to avoid her for as long as I can, but finally, I can smell her perfume, which means she’s standing right behind me, and I’m forced to turn around.
“Hey, Simone,” I say through a forced smile. She flashes her thousand-watt one back at me, and I can’t help but notice she’s dressing more and more like Parrish. I’m starting to wonder if she’s stealing clothes from her instead of my sister and just forcing them to fit.
“Hey, you,” Simon says with a wink. “Your mother just told me that she’s planning a huge party for the opening of the new stables. Could I interest you in being my date?”
Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. Go away please.
“That’s a kind offer, Simone, but I don’t think I’d make a very good date. I’ll be super busy that night, chatting with possible investors and showing people around. You may want to ask around for someone that will be able to be a little more attentive.”
She pokes me playfully in the chest, and I feel my face start to reflect my annoyance, so I have to stamp it back down.
“Silly boy, I don’t mind if you’re busy. I just want to be the woman on your arm that night when you walk in, looking all handsome in your suit,” she says in a sing-song voice. A cringe starts to creep up.
“It won’t be that kind of party, Simone. You seriously may want to talk to one of the guys in town. I’m sure any of them would be more than happy to escort you.” I look at my watch. “Holy hell, would you look at the time? I need to get in there and check out the… uh… floors! But hey, there is Sid! I’m sure he’d love to give you some more quotes about the progress as of today.”
Before she can answer, I run into the stable and shut the door behind me. Parrish and my father look at me like I’m crazy.
“What’s wrong? Did you see a ghost?” my father asks without really look at me. He and Parrish are distracted by the extremely-expensive sliding stable doors, which they are staring at with matching levels of frustration.
I walk up to them and try to figure out what the problem is. “Nothing is wrong with me. What’s going on here? You both looked… pissed.”
Dad scowls at my choice of words, but Parrish just shakes her head. “They don’t fit. The keep sliding open on their own and I can see daylight through the edges. How the hell did this happen?” She kicks the wall and we all watch in frustration as the stable door slides open, just like she said.
I pull a tape measure out of my back pocket and check to see how much of a gap there is between the wall and the door. Then I measure the tilt of the frame. Everything is off. It’s only a few centimeters, but it’s enough to cause a big problem.
“Is it all of them? Or just this one?” I ask.
“All of them,” Parrish growls.
I sigh and rub my forehead. “Well, it’s not the doors. They are pre-measured by artisan craftsmen. But the only way that I can confirm that the frame of the walls is off is by having them pull out the doors.”
Parrish stalks off in the direction of Sid and his guys with a look on her face that says she is ready to scream. Dad just shakes his head. “You know, before we started this project, I thought she was tough. But running this build has turned her into a stone-cold killer. I pity those boys.”
And within seconds, we hear not Parrish yelling, but Sid furiously apologizing. Parrish’s voice has barely raised above a whisper, but Sid looks like he has seen a ghost, and like he might puke, simultaneously. Before Dad or I can register what is going on, Sid and all of the guys that work for him are outside of the stable, working double-time to pull out the doors so I can take the measurements. I’m actually flinching as I confirm that it’s the frame of the stable that is off, and not the doors. I turn around to tell Parrish, but I can tell that she already knows, because her eyes are flaming.
“How. Do. We. Fix. It?” Each word almost sounds like a treat. I can see Sid pacing nervously behind me.
“It’s fine. Seriously. We can add to and reinforce the frame, then reset the stable doors and reinforce them. In fact, Sid doesn’t even have to do it. I can do it. It’s really basic stuff, so they can keep working on the finishing touches on the rest of the stable, and I can cover this. All they have to do is pull the doors for me so I can work on it.”
Parrish’s face visibly relaxes, but she shoots Sid a scowl for good measure. “Are you sure? You don’t have anything else you need to be doing?”
