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She sighs and checks around her, to make sure no one else has wandered up. “Yeah, I think it’s pretty obvious you two have something going on. And maybe it’s time to acknowledge it, instead of running from it. Especially because you’re running out of time to discuss it properly, before he leaves. And we know Hawk. There is no telling when he might come back.”
I feel the color drain from my cheeks. “Do you really think he’d do that again?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. But is it worth taking the chance?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s not. Do you know where he is?”
Anna glances over her shoulder. “I think he’s over by the new stables. He was checking the doors again. He’s been OCD about that since he actually built that part himself.”
I laugh. “Fair. Okay. I’m going to do it. And Anna, thank you. For everything. For being you. For being my sister.”
Anna hugs me, then shoves me in the direction of the new stables. “I love you. Now get out of here.”
I jog toward the bright, shining lights of beautiful new building and am a little surprised to see that no one is really over there. For the most part, everyone seems to be sticking to the food and the alcohol. The tours of the stables were earlier, so my guess is the free booze is a bigger draw.
I walk around the edge of the building, and then, when I get to the door, I see Hawk standing by the stall we’ve designated for Moonfire. And he’s talking to Simone.
Part of me wants to barge right in, but then something holds me back. I hover near the edge of the door, just close enough that I can hear what is going on. Simone is keeping her voice low, but it’s never really low. She always seems like she’s trying her best to be heard.
“Hawk, I don’t know why you’re fighting this. You know we’re perfect for each other. In a few days, you’re going to leave this crappy little place, and go back to LA. And will it have really been worth resisting me all this time?”
My stomach drops. I can’t see Hawk’s reaction, because he’s not facing me. But hear him say, “Simone…”
She doesn’t give him a chance to answer. She leans in and kisses him.
She kisses him and he just stands there.
She kisses him and he just stands there, and before I realize it’s happening, a little shriek of terror escapes my mouth. Hawk spins around and looks right at me.
“Parrish,” he calls out. “Parrish, wait.”
But I don’t give him the chance to say anything. I just turn and run as fast as my legs can carry me.
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he was kissing her. I feel like all of the rage I feel bubbling inside of me is about to explode as I stalk into the old stables. I don’t even know what to do with my anger. I just want to scream and cry and…
“Parrish! Would you stop please?” Hawk calls out to me as he follows me into the stables. I feel his hand on my arm and I shake him off as hard as I can.
“Get the hell away from me, Hawk. Now.” My words come out in a furious growl I barely recognize, and it actually scares me. Hawk takes several steps back, but he doesn’t leave.
“Parrish, I need you to listen. She kissed me, and I froze, but the minute she did it, I pushed her away. I didn’t want it. I don’t want her. I want nothing to do with her. I’ve been trying to let her down gently for weeks, but she just hasn’t been getting the message. And if I have to go to the ends of the earth to make you understand that I don’t want her, I will do it. But please, just give me a chance. I’m begging you.”
I spin around and give him my back. “Why should I believe anything you say, Hawk? Why should I trust you?”
Hawk takes hold of my arms and turns me around, not letting go, so I have no choice but to look directly into his full, blue eyes.
“Because,” he hesitates. “Because I love you, Parrish. Dammit, I love you.”
Hawk leans down and kisses me, furiously, and I want him to get away from me, but I can’t make myself stop. I pound my fists against his chest as I kiss him. I’m furious with him. Why did he have to come back here after leaving me, in this very spot, so many years ago? I feel angry tears start to stream down my face as I think about the hurt he caused, running away from me, from all of us. I sob, and Hawk disconnects from our kiss, a look of anguish on his face that I’ve never seen before.
“Parrish, please stop trying to run from this, from us. I was young. I was stupid. And I was scared of my feelings for you. I want only you, not Simone, not another woman back in LA. I want you, and I won’t pretend I don’t anymore.”
He pushes me against the wall, that same wall where he first kissed me at the graduation party. I wrench open his flannel shirt in response, buttons flying all over the stall. In return, he hastily yanks my sweater over my head, throwing it into a pile of hay. Our lips and hands are lost on one another’s bodies as we anxiously grab and taste each other, desperate to never let go and frightened to stay. I want this man so badly. I want to be his forever.
I’m also terrified of being left again.
“Hawk, you can’t do this to me again. You cannot leave me with this gaping hole in my heart. I don’t think I could survive another broken heart,” I whisper.
“Parrish, I thought about you every day I was gone. And it tore me apart. I hated myself for still wanting you, even after you married Matt. So I stayed away. And I know that I fucked up. But I cannot live without you. I can’t survive another broken heart either. Please. We can heal together.”
