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You don’t have to sound so pleased about it, I think. “It could be a false positive. The instructions say it would take up to ten minutes to be accurate. The line appeared immediately, so it must be a faulty test.”
“That is unlikely, but test again.” He grabs another test. “This is a digital test.” This time, my hands shake too much to allow me to open the package, so he does it himself and puts the test in the cup. The small screen displays “Pregnant” in less than a minute. Jayson shows it to me. “This is also positive. You have to admit the odds of two tests being defective are pretty low.”
I shrug. “It could be a bad batch.”
“Okay, fine.” He nods decisively as he sweeps the tests into the trashcan. “We’ll leave for New York within the hour. I shall arrange for you to see the best obstetrician in the city, and he can confirm your pregnancy.”
“Don’t say that,” I hiss. “It isn’t my anything. I’m not pregnant.”
“We’ll see,” he says with apparent neutrality, though his eyes gleam.
Two days later, I sit in the car beside Jayson as the limousine takes us back to the apartment. I clutch a folder full of prenatal care tips in my hands but haven’t opened it. It’s surreal, but there’s no denying the pregnancy. The test at the doctor’s office yielded the same results, which the ob-gyn confirmed with an ultrasound.
“There he — or she — is,” Dr. Anderson had said, pointing with an elegantly manicured nail to a little blob on the screen. “That’s the fetal pole, which is a good sign. It’s too early to see the heartbeat, since you’re only about five weeks pregnant.” She must have seen my look of confusion, because she adds, “Don’t forget we’re counting from the first day of your last cycle, not the date of conception.”
My glance drops to the ultrasound picture Jayson holds in his hand. He had taken the printout reverently, while I wanted to run from the room and pretend like nothing was happening. The little blob looked like nothing discernable and certainly not the beginnings of our baby.
Our baby. I shake my head at the idea. Jayson, the father of my child. Anger still simmers within me at his lies. I should hate the idea of having his child. Instead, my heart swells, and a lump of moisture settles in my throat. Hesitantly, I place a hand low on my belly, amazed that a new life is growing there.
I jump when Jayson puts his hand over mine. “Don’t touch me.”
He sighs heavily. “Harper, you must move past this unreasonable anger. We have to make our marriage work, for the baby’s sake.”
I sniff. “How barbaric, to stay married for a baby. I can raise him just fine on my own, thank you.”
His lips thin. “Perhaps you could, but you won’t. He’ll have two parents.”
“Of course. I don’t mean you wouldn’t be part of his life. I simply meant having a baby is no reason to stay together.”
Jayson quirks his brow. “You have changed your opinion in such a short amount of time, agape mou.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“At the Kakos party, you said the needs of a child, particularly a young one, had to come before the wants of the parents. Our baby needs both of us, no matter how much you want to leave me.”
I flinch, remembering the conversation. Squirming, I’m unable to refute it. I do truly feel that way, but the idea of remaining trapped in a marriage to a man who has manipulated and used me brings tears to my eyes. Blinking them away, I set my mouth into a firm line. “You’re right. He needs us, but I want no semblance of a marriage with you, Jayson. We’ll return to our previous arrangement, one of roommates instead of lovers.”
He curses softly. “Why must you be so childish about this, Harper? You want to deny us the pleasure we can give each other because of some childish need for revenge?”
My mouth drops and I whip my head to the side to glare at him. “It isn’t a childish need for revenge. I can’t share my body with someone I don’t trust.”
Jayson scowls. “Fine, Harper. If we are to return to our previous arrangement, don’t expect me to wait at home for scraps of affection.”
“I’m sure you can find what you need elsewhere,” I retort coldly, though my heart tears into pieces at the thought of him with another woman. Yet I can’t have it both ways. It’s devastating to imagine him with a mistress, but I’m too hurt to be his wife.
The next few years stretch before me, a wasteland of emptiness. While I can’t regret conceiving a child, I fervently wish it is with a man who loves me as much as I love Jayson. In my heart, I want no other man but him, but without trust, what future could we have?
Chapter 13
Harper
The next few weeks are a haze. I’m going through the motions of everyday activities without feeling anything at all. No, that’s not exactly true. I’m terrified of the future. I’m also terrified of my physical reaction to Jayson. Whenever he’s near, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not goi
ng to touch him.
Because it’s all I want to do.
Am I refusing to have sex to punish him? Or am I just punishing myself? I didn’t think I was that petty. It’s difficult to look at Jayson without remembering the sharp agony of discovering the true reason for our marriage. That agony has faded to a duller, constant ache, but being near him is still torture.
