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I looked at her dresser, where they were four cases lined up in a row. “It’s not one of these?”
“Of course it’s not one of those,” screeched Elle. “I’m wearing purple socks today, so I need the purple one with the diamond accents. Don’t you know anything, Ben?”
I shuddered at the way she said my name. She was mimicking the vicious, angry tone she’d heard her mother use so many times in the past. She didn’t have much in common with Ashe, except for knowing exactly how to stab a person through the heart, or push their buttons. Reminding myself she was both a child and my daughter helped me keep from giving it back. “Why won’t this one work?” I took a step closer to pick up a zebra-printed case that had purple trim.
She gave me a look full of disgust. “Ugh. It’s the wrong shade of purple. See the socks?” She lifted her foot before stomping it down hard on the bamboo flooring. “That’s dark purple.”
An irritated sigh escaped my mouth. “Perhaps you’ll just have to make do with it today, my love. We’re running out of time, and you still need to get Betsy to fix your hair.”
Elle glared up at me. “I don’t need the maid for anything. I’ve been doing my own hair for years, and she doesn’t know how to do it right. None of your staff knows how to do anything right, just like you.”
I winced at the words, knowing there was truth in them, at least about the hair. I’d been so busy with the startup of the company that I hadn’t realized just how far Ashe had checked out of our daughter’s life over the years until I came home one afternoon and found her passed out in the living room with the needle still in her arm, while Elle had calmly been cleaning up the room and putting a wet cloth in her mother’s forehead. As I’d watched her for just a moment, shocked by the scene before me I’d recognized the kind of competence and familiarity in Elle’s motions that told me she had been in that situation more than once.
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nbsp; I also winced because the words could have come from Ashe’s own mouth. She’d always found fault with everyone, including our lovely daughter, who was still beautiful and could be the sweet child she was at heart, if only I could figure out how to help her.
The problem was, I didn’t think I could do it alone. I didn’t know how, and it wasn’t fair to her to try to split my time between the company and Elle. I also couldn’t abandon my duties, because we employed thousands of people, and many of those workers had families of their own to take care of, or possibly their own wounded little girls who struck out at everyone like angry bear cubs.
“Maybe Santa will get you a new one. Christmas isn’t too far away,” I offered lamely. At her glare, I gave up. “Let me help you look for it,” I said as I knelt down on the floor beside her. At that point, I didn’t care if my suit pants ended up a wrinkled mess, as long as I could give her a moment’s happiness. Surprisingly, we worked together in silence for the next three minutes until she found the missing phone case wedged between the wall and the dresser. As she snapped her phone into it, she looked so happy and carefree for a second that I longed to be able to give her a countless number of similar moments. “I understand Betsy isn’t quite what you’re looking for when you need help. I’d like to hire a nanny.”
Her expression chilled. “Just another servant to mess up everything. Because you don’t have time for me, and you don’t care about me.”
I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. It wouldn’t be the slick look I had in preparation for my big meeting with a new client later today but some things are more important. At least that’s what I told myself and her. “That isn’t true at all, Elle. I love you so much. I just think we both need some help, and a nanny can help you with what you need, while also allowing me more time to spend with you doing fun things.”
She glared at me. “What are you talking about? You’re the parent. You’re not supposed to do fun things.”
The remark was so grown-up and serious, and it hurt my heart to see her sound so jaded. Hesitantly, I reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, not surprised when she jerked away. I let it fall back to my side with a small sigh. “I think we can find a good mix of fun and seriousness. It has to be someone you would find acceptable as a nanny. I can ask the agency to send us a few candidates—”
“Lindsay.”
I frowned. “Who’s that?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Lindsay Valentine, remember? She used to babysit me when I was small.”
I frowned, trying to place a face with the name. It came to me abruptly. Lindsay Valentine had been a young girl living in the apartment next to ours in our old place, before the company had really taken off, and Ashe had insisted we needed an apartment in the Imperial. Elle hadn’t even been a year old when Ashe started hiring Lindsay to help with her, which hadn’t raised alarm bells then. I’d like to think my useless ex-wife hadn’t been completely drug-addled at that point, but I questioned her judgment now, along with my own, of entrusting our toddler to a twelve-year-old.
I might not have seen Lindsay in the last six years or so, but it sounded like she had babysat for us up until the point we had moved to the Imperial three years back. That would make her what, eighteen, now? I guess she was old enough to take care of my unruly daughter. “How do you remember Lindsay?” I asked the question to buy some time to think.
“She was fun, and she liked to draw pictures. I still have one.”
“Oh, may I see it?”
She hesitated for a moment before biting her lip and getting to her feet. She ran to the dresser on the opposite side of the closet and opened the bottom drawer. I was vaguely aware that’s where my daughter kept her collection of important and sentimental things, but I kept out of it. It wasn’t my place to disturb her privacy.
When she returned, she was holding a family picture, one that brought a lump to my throat to see. She had definitely rendered mine and Ashe’s likeness as we cradled a smiling Elle between us. I don’t think we’d ever had a family moment that was genuinely sweet like that. Had Lindsay assumed we were one big happy family, or had she put a spin on the interpretation to make Elle happy? If that was the case, she sounded more perceptive and mature than I would’ve given her credit for, since she would’ve been maybe fourteen at the time she drew this, according to the date. “It’s lovely. I can see why you cherish it.” Maybe Elle was right. Lindsay would be a good candidate.
Elle took it back just as carefully as she handed it to me and returned it to her drawer. When she returned, she stood over me for a moment until I got to my feet. Then she looked up at me, and her expression was solemn. “Will you find Lindsay for me, Dad?”
Even if I hadn’t been inclined to start with, hearing her call me “Dad” instead of “Ben” and asking in that way was sure to clinch it. Maybe she was manipulating me, or maybe she just wanted it so badly that she was forgetting to hide behind her veneer of sarcasm and cynicism. I nodded. “I’ll do my best, baby girl.” When I reached out to ruffle her hair, this time she didn’t pull away. For just a moment, she let my fingers rest against her white-blonde locks before turning away from me.
“I’ll fix my hair and be down in a moment.” Ah well. It was a dismissal if I’d ever heard one.
“We have about fifteen minutes before we need to leave, so please don’t dawdle.” I left her with the gentle reminder as I turned away and exited her room.
As soon as I was in the hallway, I reached for my phone. Dialing head of security at the company was common, as he was one of my right-hand men. Eric Baylor answered immediately, and I quickly relayed what I remembered about Lindsay Valentine, along with the information that I wanted her found quickly. “As long as she’s on the up and up, make her an offer she can’t refuse,” I said before hanging up a couple of minutes later.
I was feeling brighter and more optimistic as I ventured into the breakfast room. Maybe Lindsay would be just what my daughter needed to become a happy child again. Even better, she wouldn’t be any sort of temptation or distraction for me. After my disastrous relationship with Ashe, I was done with women other than an occasional one on the side to meet my needs. No emotions, and nobody gets hurt. But a mother figure would be good for Elle.
