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“I’m sorry I asked you to back off in there.” It’s not what I really want to say. What I really want to say is I’m so sorry that your wife died. I’m so sorry that someone you loved passed away so young. I’m sorry you had to go through two tragedies before you even turned thirty.
I can’t say that, so I apologize for what I can.
He leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek. And then he pulls me into a tight hug. “You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Nothing at all.” And after a long moment, he steps back, and we head home.
Chapter 18
Clay
My whole world is spinning, and for the life of me, I don’t know how to get it to slow down. A baby. A fucking baby.
My baby.
I would’ve said that our situation with Jessa couldn’t get any more complicated but damn, I would have been I been dead wrong.
The ride home is mostly silent. Which fucking sucks because it leaves me with only my own thoughts to concentrate on. But thank God Trey is driving, because I don’t think I could. Joshua and Tyler seem troubled as well, but like the rest of us, they have no fucking clue what to say about all this either. And Jessa—the poor girl—is dozing off and on. It’s no wonder given the stress she was under at the hospital. Hell, the stress she’s still under. This isn’t a secret she should have had to carry.
Trey parks in front of the house and we all unload from the truck. My brain is so out of whack that I don’t even think to help Jessa out of the truck. Thankfully, Joshua does.
We all step into the house, and Trey turns to us and says, “Let’s all talk.” He focuses his gaze on Jessa. “If you’re feeling up to it, of course.”
“I’m okay,” she says. “Other than a sore shoulder, my doctor says I’m just fine.”
Trey nods, his whole body still tense. And then he heads for the billiards room.
It makes the most sense. The billiard room is big enough to hold all five of us easily, but it also has a shutting, locking door for privacy. We settle in, Trey giving beers to everyone but Jessa. But she takes a bottled water from him with a smile.
“I think,” Trey begins, his voice strained, “that it’s only fair for Tyler, Joshua and I to step aside.”
Tyler crosses his arms and glares, but he doesn’t argue. Joshua looks troubled, like he wants to argue. But he doesn’t.
And I don’t know what the fuck to say.
“What if that’s not what I want?” Jessa, her voice soft. Her eyes are locked on the bottled water in her hand, as she picks at the label. “What if I don’t want to give any of you up quite yet?”
I feel like I’m being torn in two. On the one hand, having Jessa all to myself—Jessa and our baby—sounds wonderful. But on the other hand... This has been the most heavenly few days of my life. That Jessa wants all of us equally makes me even more torn.
“I know that this relationship is different,” I say, clarity finally striking through my emotional bullshit. “But I don’t see anything wrong with it if it’s what Jessa wants. And if she’s the one we all want.”
Jessa is watching me with wary eyes, even though I’ve basically agreed with her. And she continues to peel at the water bottle label. I can feel it—if I push her too hard right now, ask for too much, she’ll get scared. She’ll run. And no matter what, I can’t let that happen. I might be confused—hell, I never thought I’d be anybody’s daddy. But I’m not confused about wanting her to stay.
“Stay with us, Jessa. Stay with us at least for a while so we can see how this all works. Give us a chance,” I say.
Her gaze starts back and forth between the four of us. And something—hope, maybe—lights up her eyes. “Is that what you want? Is that what you all really want?”
A chorus of “Fuck, yeah”s makes her laugh. “Okay, then. So… where am I sleeping tonight?”
Good-hearted arguing starts that is swiftly interrupted by the dinner bell.
“We’ll figure this out later,” Trey says, waving to quiet us down. “We need to get some dinner. Especially you, Jessa.”
“BethAnn was making lasagna tonight,” Joshua adds. “You haven’t lived until you’ve tried that, Jessa.”
“Oh! BethAnn’s lasagna. I haven’t had that in ages,” Tyler says, practically drooling as he speaks.
“You’ll love it,” I say to Jessa, following the rest of them out of the billiard room toward the delicious smell of food wafting from the kitchen. “And you’re eating for two.”
Jessa grins at us and rubs her tummy. Obviously she and the baby are excited about the prospect of lasagna.
