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Fuck.
Kate knew precisely what had just happened to her.
T
he ultimate in bad and wrong.
Jude eased her away from him, though still kept his hold on her. His jaw clenched briefly before he asked, “What just jolted you?”
“Being here,” she confessed. “With you.”
“I intended to give you the grand tour.”
“I’ve gotten the gist of it from what I’ve seen.”
In more ways than one…
Jude ventured, “Not your cup of tea?”
“It’s a lot like the house I grew up in.”
“It’s the direct opposite of the ones I grew up in.”
“Yes, I know. That’s probably the point, right?” She searched his eyes for any clouding.
But his expression was shrewd as he told her, “We are very similar people, Kate. We distance ourselves from what we didn’t find appealing in the past and cultivate new existences that better suit us—rather than travel the easy road of conformity.”
“That philosophy is rife with complexity.”
“Indeed.” He sighed. “I suspect this ‘philosophy’ is something we ought to discuss in depth.”
“In depth.”
“Kate…” He stared into her eyes. “What epiphany did you just have?”
“One that’s giving me heart palpitations. One that I’ve known all along, I’ve just denied it or ignored it. Damn it, Jude. This is all my fault. I tried to contain something that’s uncontainable.”
His brow jerked upward. “What’s uncontainable?”
“You, Jude.” Her gaze didn’t waver. “And me. Us. Everything that’s transpired between us. None of this can be compartmentalized, put in a silo… Every interaction we have makes everything we feel, everything we desire, expand and take on a life of its own.”
She pressed her fingertips to her trembling lips.
Jude quietly asked, “How are you suddenly freaking out?”
“Because a relationship is uncontrollable—the variables shift from one moment to the next when you have two people with different thoughts and viewpoints constantly altering the dynamic. So that an anchor—me—can’t even predict what’s going to happen next. Or contain it in a sensible manner. And, my God… That’s actually part of the beauty of a relationship. Except…not as it pertains to us.”
“Kate.” Jude’s head whipped back as he clearly reeled. “I’m a lawyer, sweetheart, and as well articulated as your reasoning is, it doesn’t even work on me!”
“I know,” she said on a fractured breath. “It’s not meant to work on you, Jude. Because this is all working against us.”
“Oh, no, no, no!” He yanked the zipper up on his fly, but didn’t fasten the button at his waist. Couldn’t secure the ones on his shirt, either, because most of them were missing.
He started to pace.
Kate’s heart palpitations multiplied.
“You feel things for me,” Jude said, as though he were launching into one of his closing arguments, meant to sway her. Win her over. “This has nothing to do with counseling…and everything to do with us being a perfect match. I get you, Kate. And I would never keep you from pursuing whatever you wanted to pursue, being whomever you wanted to be.”
