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“Jude.”
“Kate.” His glare didn’t dim. “If for even one second you think you’re going to justify what you’re planning to do…” His jaw set so hard, she was shocked it didn’t shatter. “Goddamn it!” he roared as his arms unfolded and sliced through the air.
She knew why. She’d just presented him with another double-edged sword.
“I’m making you contradict everything you’ve ever said to me,” she acknowledged. “Every conviction you’ve ever had—in my favor.”
Tears stung her eyes.
Kate said, “You have always contended that whatever course I took was mine to take. You’ve understood that about me. Supported it. Defended it.”
“Yeah, Kate. Defended it.”
“Now, I’m doing something you can’t make heads or tails of.”
“Something I can’t condone, Kate.”
Pain lanced through her. “You say that now, because I’ve just shocked the hell out of you. Once you’ve listened to my reasoning, my purpose, you’ll—”
“Kate.” His throat worked down a hard lump, momentarily drawing her attention. But it was his tattered tone that truly held her hostage as he said, “You suffered a mental stall-out over my apartment. Actually being in all this space and likely picturing those three kids and…us. I’d just questioned why we couldn’t be together, as a couple, and when I did, it happened at my apartment. With all this space staring you in the face.”
She merely nodded. Knowing inherently Jude had much more to say. And he was certainly entitled to get it all off his chest.
He told her, “I realize you didn’t plan on picking this very moment to spring your ‘grand plan’ on me. The timing is perfect, however. It is germane to the conversation.”
Kate folded her own arms over her chest. “Don’t patronize me.”
“You know I’m not,” he insisted. “You know I never would. I don’t take exception to the fact you have aspirations, Kate.”
“What are you taking exception to, Jude?”
“The fact those aspirations could get you killed!”
They stared at each other. Tension permeated the air. A nearly palpable, suffocating tension.
“You have every right to be agitated,” she said. “Of course, you do.”
“And you have every right to do what you want to do,” he conceded. “Of course, you do. I would never hold you back—you said as much, earlier. But this isn’t like wearing a red dress to a black-and-white party, Kate. This is dangerous. Risky. Life-altering.”
“Yes.” A few tears trickled down her hot cheeks. Kate ignored them. Attempted to ignore the tightening in her chest, but it was so constricting, she could barely breathe.
She told him, “I’m not trying to intentionally put myself in danger. I’m trying to help people, Jude. Survivors of horrific, deadly disasters. Their family members, too. Some who might have actually lost a loved one in a given disaster. The point is to be on-the-spot. To make an immediate connection with these people. To help them through the trauma before it can fully manifest itself into something much more difficult to manage on the back end.”
“I would never trivialize this, Kate. I would never think you were being careless. I know you better than that. I know you so much better than that.”
His hand plowed through his hair. Then both hands raised in the air—though not in surrender.
He said, “I don’t question your motives. They are nothing but honorable, I have absolute faith in that. You’re smart enough to cross those i’s and dot those t’s. Again…no question there.
What I can’t stomach, Kate… What I can’t wrap my mind around…”
He grasped for the correct, adequate words. Something Kate had not witnessed him doing since those first sessions with him, when he’d attempted to explain how his world had fallen apart.
More tears streamed down her flushed face. Kate stepped closer to him, her heart so massively mangled, it was a wonder a single beat registered.
She said, “Jude, I formulated these plans before we even got together. I’d already told Nikki I was in. The legalities have recently transpired, yes. But I’d committed long before…” She swiped at the drops still flowing. “I’d already committed to this, Jude. And you would never ask me to back out of a commitment.”
“I never would,” he agreed as his eyes locked with hers.
