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“Not quite,” her friend said. And sipped. “Who’s carrying these children in her equally beautiful womb?”
“Not a woman on her way to Afghanistan.”
“You’re not Persephone headed to Hades, Kate.”
“That we know of, Nik.”
Their eyes connected again.
Nikki said, “It’s scary, I know.”
“I’m not afraid of what I’m consenting to. I want to do this. What I’m terrified of is…” She reached for her drink once more.
“What, Kate? What has you in a tailspin?”
“I love him,” she quietly professed over the rim of her champagne glass. “I love Jude. Like that kind of insanely vicious, I would fade into oblivion without him kind of love. It’s…it’s—”
“Fantastic, Kate,” Nikki simply said. And lifted her glass in a toast.
Kate gaped.
Nikki accepted a refresh, sipped once more, then added, “It’s the most exhilarating, phenomenal feeling and experience in the world, Kate. When you fall in love with someone and they love you back—just as passionately, just as deeply, just as endlessly…” She sighed. “Nothing compares. Nothing completes you like that. I know…remember?”
“Nikki—”
“I had the perfect love,” she contended. “In my hands, I held the most perfect man…the most perfect moments…the most perfect everything. I had everything, Kate. And even as you’re sitting across from me with tears in your eyes, I still hold all of that perfection in my heart. I will never wonder what it’s like to be loved so deeply,” she said. “I will never wonder how sexy or desirable I might be. How smart and witty. I will never doubt any of this, Kate, because the most amazing man I’ve ever known chose me. Loved me. And I get to keep him with me, in my heart, forever.”
Kate couldn’t stem the flow of tears. Nikki’s trickled along her cheeks as well, but Kate suspected she had so much reconciliation in her mind that Nikki could contain the emotion.
Kate was nowhere near that point.
She reached for a napkin and pressed it to her eyes. As she tried to ebb the flow, she asked Nikki, “What if you knew going into it that Conner would die?”
“Would I have stuck it out with him? Would I have supported his decision to be a heroic daredevil flyboy?”
“Would you?”
Nikki didn’t speak.
Kate peeled away the napkin and stared at her friend.
Who smiled at her with misty eyes. “Yeah, Kate. I would have still been right by his side. If God had granted me a crystal ball and I’d seen that chopper fall from the sky… Sure, I would have asked Conner to reconsider. But if he was adamant… I would’ve accepted that maybe the crystal ball was complete and utter bullshit.”
Kate laughed, unexpectedly. “Jesus, Nik!”
“I mean, really… Who knows what’s going to happen from one day to the next? And a crystal ball, Kate?” She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Fuck that shit. Do you know how many men Conner saved? One man saved dozens of lives… Dozens!”
“And he willingly did it,” Kate said.
“Yes, he willingly did it. And I am damn proud of him. I don’t need all of those medals on a shelf in my office to remind me of how courageous and selfless my husband was, but I do appreciate I’m not the only one who knows it. I get emails and Christmas cards from a lot of those men who knew Conner. More than just the ones he rescued. In fact… There’s something I forgot to mention, which I think will make you feel infinitely more secure about this adventure. Your family, too.”
“Oh…the family.” Kate sighed. She dropped the damp napkin, sniffled, then said, “I still haven’t told them. Each and every one will connip-out in their own epic way. I am so not looking forward to that conversation.”
“Doing it one-on-one?”
“No, I don’t think so. A group gathering would be best. Cocktails to break the inherent tension of me calling a family meeting. Something I’ve never done before. A little relaxing mood music and comfortable ambience to set the scene. Then I’ll rip the Band-Aid off and let them run rampantly through all the grieving stages, falling just shy of acceptance, of course.”
“Of course.”
