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All that flaring emotion, all that sizzling need, it turns out it was a phase, a few days of madness.
Nothing more.
I should be relieved. It never made any sense, to begin with.
But as I stride down the hallway, I find myself nostalgic for a woman I never really knew. I find myself wishing I’d never laid eyes on her, so I could hold onto the impossible lie, the crazy warmth of our dream romance.
Chapter Five
Maddison
“Maddie, we need to talk about this.”
I look up from my laptop to find Kelly standing over me, her arms folded and her lips pursed. She’s wearing her I’m Your Friend and I Know What’s Best For You face. It’s an expression I remember well from high school when she’d persuade me to go to dances and social events I otherwise would’ve avoided as if they were poison.
“About what?” I ask innocently.
We’re both in our waitress uniforms, having returned half an hour ago from an eight-hour shift. I’ve been trying to write for the past thirty minutes, but thoughts of Madden won’t leave me alone, always hovering at the edge of my mind.
“Madden,” Kelly says, as though reading my thoughts. “Why haven’t you emailed him?”
I groan, and nod, because I know she’s right. It’s been a week since I received his letter.
But every time I think about taking him up on his offer – his crazy wonderful terrifying offer – a whole mass of anxious snakes through me, squirming and taunting.
“Because I’m scared, okay?” I snap, with more force than I intended.
“Of what?”
She sits down, her voice patient.
Sighing, I close the laptop, interlocking my fingers.
I pick at my fingernails, even if it’s a habit I grew out of years ago.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Madden, about his intense wolfish eyes staring at me, his brilliant mind aimed at me, his hulking body consuming me.
Almost every night I’ve slipped my hand between my legs and rubbed furiously as thoughts of him flood my mind, becoming more real than reality, a buzzing dancing up and down my legs, making my clit tingle, until I reach a climax that can only exist in mind-made fantasies.
“You know I’ve had a crush on him for years,” I murmur.
“Yeah…”
She watches me calmly, not trying to hurry me, as though she’s willing to sit here for the rest of the day as I slowly work my way up to the point.
And she would, I know. She’s great like that.
“Well, when he sees me. If we were to meet – what are the chances of him feeling the same, do you think?”
“Oh, Maddie.” She frowns. “I wish you’d believe me when I tell you you’re beautiful.”
“Even if I did, it wouldn’t make any difference. Madden Mitchell isn’t going to be interested in me, is he?”
She purses her lips again, as indecision flickers behind her eyes. I see her desire not to hurt my feelings warring with her obligation to be honest with me, as we’ve always been honest with each other, ever since we were kids and bonded over our cataclysmic heartache.
“I don’t know,” she finally says. “But either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is your writing career. A chance to have a writer like Madden read your work… When does something like that ever happen? I’m sorry, Maddie, but I think you need to put your feelings aside on this and think with your head.”
She softens her voice, taking some of the potential sting out of her words. She’s always been able to do that – give me hard truths and suggestions that might cut, but in such a way where I know she only wants the best for me because she always has my best interest at heart no matter what.
“You’re right. I know that.” I sigh, running a hand through my messy hair, finally freed from the ponytail I wear at work. “And I know I should be too old for crushes like this. But I can’t help it. But yeah, I should email him. I should see if he’ll still let me meet with him.”
“Yes,” Kelly says firmly. “You should.”
“Okay. I will. Tomorrow.”
She giggles and rolls her eyes. “Do you really think I’m going to let you get away with it that easily, huh? Tomorrow will become the next day, and then the next day, and before you know it we’ll be two old ladies in the nursing home talking about the time you almost met Madden Mitchell.”
I laugh along with her, but there’s a niggling feeling at the edges of my mind. It’s a whispering anxious voice that tells me Kelly would never end up in a nursing home with me.
She’ll have a large family by then, with loyal children and grandchildren, and a husband to take care of her. She’ll find her forever man and settle down and have a sunny bright life.
