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His lips thinned, and his gaze was unflinching as he responded in a devastatingly icy voice. “I don’t intend to.”
“So, we have until late November to get this thing between us out of our systems?”
“Vicki, we don’t have to do this. We can forget tonight happened and carry on. If we do this, it’ll be on my terms only. No negotiation. And I don’t think you’ll like that.”
“What are your terms?”
“Sex. Strictly after hours. We have to be discreet, which means no one knows. No public displays of affection. No meaningless chatter about our feelings. Because there will be no feelings involved. If you don’t think that’s for you, then we stop right here, okay?”
Vicki stared at her hands, one thumb picking at the cuticle of the other. It was all so cold and clandestine. She wasn’t sure if she could do that. If she wanted that. She wasn’t sure how it would make her feel about herself. About him.
If she did this, she still wanted to like and respect herself when it was over. She wanted to like and respect him as well. She lifted her thumb to her lips and nibbled at the cuticle as she watched him and considered all her options. He was staring back at her, eyes dark, breathing unsteady. If not for his swollen lips and the flush along his stark cheekbones, he would look completely unaffected by their physical encounter earlier. His hair was too short to be mussed, his clothes were still in place and unrumpled. While she stood in front of him with probably wildly tangled hair, flushed features, and wearing nothing but an oversized hoodie.
She worried that it would be a metaphor for their entire non-relationship if she went through with it. He would likely sail through the next several weeks and emerge from it unscathed and unruffled. While Vicki would be left completely undone by him.
She wasn’t sure it was worth the risk.
Chapter Thirteen
Vicki swallowed, the sound loud in the silence of the apartment. She lowered her hand and started nibbling on her lower lip instead. She could still taste him there…decadent and delicious.
If she passed on this opportunity—if one could call it that—she would never taste him again. Never feel him thrusting and throbbing inside of her. She would never see him naked. And she desperately wanted to see him naked.
Her eyes ran over his big body, and she was gratified to note that he had an erection again. The sight of him straining at the fabric of his pants sent her pulse racing and helped make up her mind.
“I’d like to—” God, was that her voice? It was throaty, hoarse…she sounded like she smoked a pack a day. She coughed and tried again. “I’d like to add my own term to yours.”
His eyes flickered, and she was almost certain she caught a glimpse of relief in them.
“What would that be?”
“If I agree to this, but I find that it doesn’t work for me, I can call it quits whenever the hell I want to. No questions asked.”
“Of course.” He sounded stunned that she would feel compelled to make such a stipulation. “I would never force you to remain in an arrangement that you find uncomfortable.”
The entire damned thing was uncomfortable for her. But she was willing to give it a go because—quite frankly—the sex had been amazing. And because she liked him. He may not want her to like him, and she would never really tell him that was one of her reasons for agreeing to this, but it made her feel a lot better about consenting to such a batshit crazy arrangement.
“Let me be sure I’ve got this right. Sex only. No displays of affection. A two-month time limit. It ends after we return from Cape Town. Nobody knows. No sex when you’re on duty. And we keep our feelings out of it. Have I got it right?”
“Can you handle that?” He sounded skeptical.
“Of course, I can,” she said, and he frowned.
“Honey, think about it, okay? Decide tomorrow or next week. Don’t leap blindly. I’m not…” He shook his head. “I don’t do feelings and shit. I won’t miraculously fall in love with you. If you’re doing this because you think something like that will happen—”
“Don’t worry, Ty,” she interrupted him. “I don’t have any expectations. Well, okay that’s a lie. I expect orgasms. Lots and lots of orgasms. But I’ll be sure to lock my heart up in a steel cage. And I have no illusions that you’ll fall in love with me.”
That made him glower. “Why do you say it like that?”
Huh?
“Say what like what?”
“Why the emphasis? Like it would be so hard to fall in love with you.”
“Well, I’m really ordinary and boring and you’re…you.”
“You’re funny, and sweet, and pretty. I just don’t do the whole love thing. I can’t. There’s nothing wrong with you, Vicki. I’m the one who’s broken. And before you get any ideas, I’m fine the way I am, and I’m not looking to be fixed. I just don’t want you to come out of this thinking you’re unlovable. All I can give you—all I want to give you—is sex. You want orgasms? I’ll give you orgasms. But that’s all I have for you. Clear?”
