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And you suspected as much. Go on, admit it, you stupid little idiot! Underneath you were worried about the time he was spending with Lenore but in the end you chose to ignore it, because you wanted to believe in his love, wanted to keep pretending.
As for Lenore ...
Now that the initial shock was over and she was thinking more clearly, Gemma was stunned to find she didn't feel quite so angry with Nathan's ex- wife. In fact, she almost felt sorry for her. If Lenore hated Nathan, as she said, then that was because she was also still in love with him. Gemma could well understand a woman loving and hating Nathan at the same time. She certainly did right at this moment. But at least the hate part seemed to clear one's vision of the man he really was. Lenore didn't sound as though she was under any illusions. Neither was Gemma any more. Just to love Nathan was to become a fool, there was no doubt about that. A blind fool!
Gemma looked back over all the warnings she'd been given about Nathan, the warnings she had naively ignored. Instead, she'd stupidly gone into a marriage based on nothing but the physical. His wanting her to have a baby was the one thing that she didn't quite understand. There again, men had babies all the time with women they didn't love. Maybe it was a matter of ego, of wanting to replicate their genes, or of wanting to keep the women under their control.
Nathan had demonstrated a jealousy and possessiveness over her from the start, suggesting that, while he might not love her, he did like 'owning' her. Since their marriage, he'd molded her into the sort of wife that suited him,
a sexually submissive little doll whom he could dress as he fancied, parade in public on his arm, then bring home and make love to as he pleased.
Well, he wouldn't be 'making love' to her any more, she vowed with an intense bitterness that kept the despair at bay. Their marriage was over as of this moment. She would never go back to him. Never ever!
Gemma strode on, around the next corner, heading towards she knew not what. But the ramifications of the decision she had just made were not long in sinking in. Would Byron give her the sack once he found out she'd left his precious adopted son? Even if he didn't, where was she going to live now? She had no real friends, no one she could turn to, except perhaps ...
Damian had said she could rely on him if ever she needed a friend.
Gemma slowed her step. Why was she so loath to call Damian Campbell? Was it just pride that was stopping her, or something more complex than that? Nathan's own warnings about his enemy no longer held water, did they? One couldn't believe a thing he said. And yet. ..
Gemma sighed her confusion, halting completely on the pavement, putting the suitcase down. Momentarily, she closed her eyes, the events of the day threatening to overwhelm her. She felt so alone, so alone and so wretched. Tired too. Yes, suddenly, she felt dreadfully tired. Emotional exhaustion, she supposed.
Opening her eyes, she glanced around and there, on the next corner, stood an old hotel. What she needed was a quiet place to lie down. Somewhere she could simply sleep for a while. Nathan was not expecting her back in Sydney till the following afternoon. He was not expecting her to call tonight. This gave her over twenty-four hours to decide what action she was going to take. Wearily, Gemma picked up her suitcase again and began walking in the direction of the hotel.
What would have happened, she wondered grimly as she carefully crossed the street, if she had stayed in Lightning Ridge and come back as originally planned?
Gemma shuddered to think that she would have innocently gone back home to her husband's bed, unknowing of his treachery, unsuspecting of how callously he had betrayed her over the weekend, how he would go on betraying her.
Innocent. Unknowing. Unsuspecting.
Well, she wasn't innocent any longer and she would never be unknowing or unsuspecting again. From this moment on, Gemma Whitmore would place her trust in one person only.
Herself.
CHAPTER THREE
CELESTE surveyed her wardrobe with some concern on the Monday morning, moving outfit after outfit along the racks in her dressing-room, mulling over the effect each one would have on Byron Whitmore. What could she wear that wouldn't inspire contempt in his eyes?
Or lust.
At this last thought, Celeste brought herself up sharply. What on earth was the matter with her, caring what Byron thought, or felt? It was her own feelings she had to worry about. Her own lust. Or desire. Or whatever people called it these days.
