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Finally, when the crying had stopped and she could gather enough courage, she pulled back from him and lifted still, wet eyes to his. ‘I do love you, Ben,’ she said shakily. ‘Very much. But I can’t marry you. I’m sorry. I just can’t.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND why you won’t marry me,’ Ben raged when he finally got Jess back to his apartment. ‘If you love me the way you say you do, then what’s the problem? Hell on earth, Jess, I can give you anything you want.’
‘That’s the problem, Ben. I don’t want what you can give me. I don’t want to live this kind of life,’ she said, sweeping her right arm around at his apartment. ‘It’s too much. We wouldn’t have any real friends. Neither would our children.’
‘That’s ridiculous. I have real friends.’
‘No, you don’t. There wasn’t a single person there tonight who was a real friend. The only real friend you have is Andy in Australia, and that’s because you met him when you weren’t so rich. Being a billionaire means you can’t live an ordinary life, Ben. As your wife, I won’t be able to live an ordinary life either. You’ll want me to go to toffee-nosed dos and dinner parties all the time with people that I despise. You’ll want me to stop making my own clothes. You’ll insist I have a stylist and a designer wardrobe. Our children will have nannies and bodyguards and be sent to snobby boarding schools whilst we stay at home and entertain. I’m sorry, Ben, but that’s not what I want for my children. That’s not what I want for me.’
He stopped pacing around the living room and sent her a disbelieving look. ‘You really mean this, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ she said, even though her heart was breaking.
He swore, then strode over and yanked her hard against him. ‘I could make you change your mind,’ he ground out darkly.
‘No, Ben,’ she said firmly. ‘You couldn’t.’
‘Even if I promise you the world?’
‘Especially if you promise me the world.’
‘Then you don’t really love me,’ he growled and threw her from him.
When she almost fell over he grabbed her again, but not so roughly this time, his expression both apologetic and desperate. ‘I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry. I would never hurt you, Jess. But please, don’t do this. I beg of you. Stay with me. I need you. I love you. I won’t let you go!’
Jess was not at her best when cornered. ‘You can’t stop me, Ben.’
‘Then go, damn you.’ And, before she could say another word, he was gone, slamming the front door behind him.
She waited for hours but he didn’t come back. She tried his phone but it was turned off. Clearly, he didn’t want her contacting him. She couldn’t rest, just paced the apartment, her mind awhirl with regrets and recriminations.
It had been cruel of her to reject Ben’s proposal like that on the same day that he’d buried his father. It was no wonder he’d lost his temper with her. She’d hurt him. Terribly. At the same time, Jess could not deny that what she’d said had been true. She knew she wouldn’t be happy living this kind of life. And he wouldn’t be happy with her as his wife. They lived in different worlds. She had always led a simple life whereas Ben lived like this, she thought, her gaze once again taking in the sheer luxury of her surrounds.
In the end, Jess made an agonising decision. She packed, then went downstairs and got the doorman to summon a cab for her.
‘JFK airport,’ she told the driver in a broken voice.
She cried all the way to the airport where she had to wait some time before she could get a flight out. Just before she boarded, she sent Ben an explanatory and deeply apologetic text message. She didn’t want him to worry about where she was, but she also didn’t want him to follow her. The plane she caught set down in San Francisco, where she changed planes for the long flight back to Sydney. When she checked her messages, there wasn’t one from Ben.
Jess didn’t sleep much on the plane—she was travelling economy—so by the time she reached Mascot she was very tired and seriously depressed. She caught the bus over to the long-distance car park where she’d left her four-wheel drive, then literally had to force herself to drive home. Fortunately, it wasn’t peak hour in Sydney, so it only took her a couple of hours. Even so, by the time she pulled into the driveway at home, she was totally wrecked.
Her mother must have heard a vehicle pull up outside; the front door was flung open just as Jess staggered up to it.
