Page 5 of Hard To Love


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“You too, dear. Tell your mother I said hello.”

“I will.” I waved as I walked out the door.

My mother was already in bed by the time I returned home. So I quietly made my way up to my bedroom. Because I was unable to sleep, I decided to unpack my things and put them away. I slipped the headphones from my IPod that I found in the mess that was my suitcase then crawled into bed. Sleep was hard to come by lately, and noise seemed to drown out my thoughts. The nightmares had faded, months ago.

Occasionally flashing back as vivid as the day it happened. I closed my eyes, resting my hand on my chest. As I drifted to sleep images of the forest began; first of my time with Matt, then Mason. Then I heard someone shout my name over the music and I sat up, pulling the earphones from my ears and looked around the room. My heart thudded hard against my ribcage, tears effortlessly falling from my eyes.

Stretching across my bed, I opened the bedside table drawer and took out a bottle of prescription pills. It had been months since I had needed them, but today after seeing what I saw and heard; the sleeping pills were needed. I tilted the bottle enough to let two peach-coloured pills drop into the palm of my hand, and then grabbed a bottle of water from my hand bag to wash them down. As my head hit the pillows, I tried again to close my eyes and calm my nerves.

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sp; CHAPTER TWO

The next morning, Cassie woke me up out of a dead sleep. I had forgotten how well the pills worked. It was just after ten when I focused on the clock by my bed. I rubbed my face, apologizing.

“I didn’t realize how late it was .” I croaked.

“I can’t believe you slept in this long.” She flopped down on the bed next to me. “Whatever happened to the girl who was up at the crack of dawn no matter how late we were out drinking?” she teased.

“Age caught up to me,” I joked.

“Nah, that’s not it.” She turned onto her side. “Get dressed. We’ll go have breakfast at the club, then go shopping.”

“The club?” My brow rose.

“Don’t tell me you have forgotten about the club?” Cassie turned towards me, laughing.

“No, that I have not forgotten.” I sighed. “And shopping for what?”

“We need dresses for the masquerade my parents are throwing for Halloween.” She clapped her hands excitedly as she sat up. “Remember those back in high school?”

“Yes.” I said, trying to smile.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing.” I shrugged. “It just seems as if nothing has changed here, except me.”

“That’s what L.A. does to you, sweetheart.” She smirked.

“I don’t have money to spend on a dress,” I said, dragging myself out of the bed.

“Don’t worry about it.” She hopped off the bed.

“Cassie—”

“Ah, don’t you dare say it. We are shopping and you’re going to stick your pride where the sun doesn’t shine, because you are my best friend and I have not seen you in forever.” She scooped me up in her arms, spinning me around to face the mirror on my wall, her cheek against mine. “We are going to show these old folks what it means to party, and you are going to enjoy it!” She walked me to the bathroom. “Hurry up.” Locking the door behind me, I turned and stared at myself in the mirror. The puffiness under my eyes was proof of my tear-filled night.

After fighting with the tangles in my hair, I gave up and tied it in a ponytail. I scrubbed my face with cleanser, patting it dry, then swiped a toner over my face and added a bit of cream, lightly dabbing under my eyes, wishing the bags away. “Nothing a little foundation couldn’t hide,” I muttered.

When I got back to my room, Cassie had already raided my closet and picked out clothes for me. My eyes fell on the bed where she laid out my clothes: a pair of dark skinny jeans, creamcoloured circular hem sweater, black-and-beige flats. “So glad you have such classy taste.” Cassie giggled, sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Thanks.” I shrugged, then changed into the outfit and checked myself out in the mirror. It was a cute ensemble. I had never worn these particular pieces together, but Cassie had a pristine eye for fashion. As we exited my room, I grabbed my bag off the dresser.

“Morning, girls,” my mother said, stopping us as we got to the main floor. “I have coffee and scones on if you’d like.”

“Thanks, Mom, but we are going to the club for breakfast.”

“Okay. Have a good day.” She smiled, hugging her arms close.

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