Page 69 of Hard To Love


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What the hell was I doing?

“No!” I grunted, trying to push Mason off. “Ssstop!” I managed to shove him back. I glared at him, shocked not only at him but at myself as well. I don’t cheat; that wasn’t me. Tears began to well in my eyes. “Why didjo follow me ‘ere?” I slurred, but the music drowned out my voice. Shame filled his face, as it did mine. The song ended and the DJ started talking, but I was too distracted by what had just happened between Mason and me to hear anything he was saying. Then I shook my head, and walked past Mason, storming out to the parking lot, pacing back and forth. I couldn’t drive home. The bartender had my keys, and oddly, no cabs were around. I started walking to the end of the plaza, near the coffee shop. The music from the bar bellowed out as Mason stormed out to the street. “Lauren,” he called out.

“StayawayfrommeMason.” The words tumbled from my mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables. “I—don’tknowwhat— you were thinking,” I replied, my hands covering my shame-filled face.

“What I did?” he scoffed. “I didn’t see you stopping me!” he growled, grabbing my arm.

“Jjjuussst leeeeave meee aloooone,” I whined, pulling free.

“Where are you going?” he asked, grabbing my arm every time I pulled free. “Stop walking away from me.”

“I want to be alone!” I cried. “I can’t believe you kissed me.”

“You kissed me back.” He scowled.

“Yooou—yooou . . . No—nooo you are not going to get me. Get away from me,” I shouted, poking his chest.

“Lauren—Lauren!” He followed me, but I started running.

“I’d rather walk home than get in the same car as you!” I screamed, running across the street.

I finally lost him and continued to take routes through areas he couldn’t drive through. Eventually I lost him.

By the time that I got home that night, I had almost sobered up. The events that took place flooded my mind. I turned off my phone and cried myself to sleep for the first time in months.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The next morning, I got up, showered, slipped on a pair of yoga pants and a shirt, sulking my way down the stairs to the kitchen. What I hadn’t expected to find was Nick sitting in the kitchen with my mother, drinking tea. Their heads turned as I entered, and I came to a halt in the doorway. Panic struck me hard in the chest. Mason was devious enough to tell Nick everything.

“Hey,” he said, standing. My mother got up from her chair, put her mug in the sink, and then walked over to me. “I’ll give you a minute,” she said with a smile. I nodded, then slowly walked over to the counter, grabbed the coffee pot and poured myself a mug. Nick remained silent until I joined him at the table.

“I want to begin by apologizing for last night ,” he said with a sad smile. “You have every right to be upset with me.” He waited for me to reply, but I stared at the space between us blankly, unsure of what to say. When I finally looked at him, his eyes began to water. “I’m sorry that I have disappointed you. That was never my intention, Lauren.” His lips trembled.

“Nick, I—”

“I promise that I’ll make it up to you,” he said, taking my hand in his. My lip trembled as I recalled the events from last night. I knew I should have told him but the words wouldn’t come out. I started to cry but not because he disappointed me because he didn’t know I was going to disappoint him. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I said in a panic. Confusion hovered in his eyes. He didn’t understand where this was coming from.

“I don’t think it’s going to work out.” I choked back the sob. “Where is this coming from?” He gasped.

I couldn’t lie to him. It was easier to end it. “I don’t even feel like I fit in your life.” I bit my lip and glanced down at my cup. He dragged his thumb and index fingers across his eyes.

“That’s—not—true, Lauren,” he hiccupped, fighting the sob.

What I had done to Nick was unforgiveable, and I didn’t want him to feel the pain of my betrayal. I shook my head.

“I fell in love with you, Nick. That isn’t something I can do easily, but I did.” I covered my face with one hand, turning away. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want to be hurt eit

her.” I gasped, covering my mouth.

He grabbed me in his arms. “Lauren, please. I just need a little more time.” He kissed my hair. “I promise it will all be worked out soon.”

“W—what will be worked out soon?” I asked, slowly pulling away.

“I was looking to move to Portland permanently,” he said.

My heart stopped. “Really?” I gasped, biting down on my lip.

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