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p; “I—I j—just needed to talk to you,” he stuttered. I looked around. “Okay, but why do you have to talk to me out here, where it’s cold and secluded?” I asked.
“I didn’t want anyone to hear.” He looked at me, took off his blazer and handed it to me.
“What do you have to tell me that no one else can hear?” I asked. What I should have done was turn around and head back to the house. I should not have entertained this.
His voice was raspy. “It’s bad enough that I’m feeling this way. I can’t have everyone knowing I feel it,” he said, looking up at the starry sky. “Until I met you, I never lied to anyone about anything.”
“Should I feel special about that?” It was a little harsh, but I wasn’t into playing games. I ended things between us for a reason.
“No! That’s not what I was saying,” he scoffed. “You mean a lot to me, and in that short amount of time I lied to protect you—”
“So this is my fault?” I gasped, shrugging his jacket off.
Nick stepped forward to stop me, holding my shoulders. “No, please just let me explain.” His voice caught in his throat as he struggled to form the words. As the tears rolled down his face, he sobbed into his hands. “I—I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Nick—”
“I know it’s ridiculous, right? I know,” He stepped back, running his hands through his hair. “No matter what I do—” He choked. I turned my head to avoid his tearful stare. I couldn’t handle his emotions, right now. “I knew the moment I said it—I couldn’t take it back,” he said.
“I can’t do this.” I stepped back.
He nodded. “Trust me, I know. I just—I couldn’t leave without knowing . . .” His voice trailed off. A single tear trickled from his eyes.
“This isn’t fair, Nick.” My lips pressed thinly.
“I know. I have no right to ask this of you. I don’t deserve to know considering what I’ve done,” he said, taking my hand in his.
“I’m with Mason now.” I struggled with my emotions. “That’s not to say that I never loved you. But you hurt me, Nick—”
“So did Mason!” he retorted.
“It’s not the same and you know it,” I said and rubbed my fingers across my forehead in frustration. “When I fell for Mason, it was different. He never told me how he felt,” I clarified. “It felt more like—like a fantasy.”
“It is the same,” Nick scoffed.
I shook my head. “What Mason did hurt my ego more than my heart,” I stated. My hand cupped his cheek, and I brushed my thumb across his damp cheek. It broke my heart to see him so sad. “But when we fell in love, Nick, you failed to tell me that you were struggling with whether or not you loved another woman, a woman you were still engaged to.” Tears pooled in my eyes. “That hurt me—more—than anything else,” I choked. “I gave myself to you, my heart and my soul. I was all in and you were only half in.” For a long time we stood there staring at each other, and I knew I should walk away, but something inside forced me to stay. He looked away, but I could still see the tears fall down his cheeks. What I hadn’t expected was the feel of his hands on my cheeks, then the taste of his tears on my lips.
“I love you,” he said through our lips. My hands cupped over his, and I slowly pulled his hands from my face. He twisted his hands around mine, lacing his fingers with mine. “I miss you.” His forehead pressed against mine, our rapid breaths seen in the cold air. My body shook as I cried. It was a mistake coming here, but it was too late to change that.
“You need to let me go,” I said, my lips trembling. “You have to let me go.” His eyes continued to search mine. I caressed his cheek with the palm of my hand, waiting for him to acknowledge my words. “I love you, but you have to let me go,” I sobbed.
Nick’s eyes watered as he stared me down. Then slowly he backed away, nodding his head, one hand still holding mine, the other wiping his face. Together we walked side by side back to the house, but when we reached the patio, he stopped. I glanced up and saw Mason standing on the stairs watching, Nick turned to walk around the house. I watched as he disappeared. I shook my head, and then made my way up the stairs, standing next to Mason. He stood ridged, both his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking less than impressed, and I didn’t blame him.
“Hey,” I said.
“Why were you out here with him?” Mason asked, staring out at the yard and not at me.
“He wanted to talk to me,” I replied.
“Why are you wearing his jacket, and why did he go around the side of the house just to avoid me?” He looked down at me.
“I’m wearing his jacket because it’s cold, and I don’t know why he went around the house. You’ll have to ask him,” I said, taking off the jacket and placing it on a chair as I entered the house.
“Is there something I need to know?” Mason asked eyeing me.
“No.” I shrugged.
The anguish I felt inside was killing me. No sense in upsetting him over what happened between Nick and me. What would be the point in telling Mason that Nick told me that he was still in love with me and then he kissed me? It would just start a fight—then again, if I didn’t tell him, Nick might bring it up and I would end up looking like the bad guy. I huffed, staring down at the ground.
