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She poured two mugs of hot water, dropping a teabag in each. She place
d a mug in front of me, and then took the chair on my left with the other. I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation.
“What’s going on?” she finally asked when I didn’t initiate the conversation.
“I’m not in love with Mason.” I blurted. The look of shock on her face made me wince.
“But—you said yes to marrying him, Lauren,” she said, shaking her head, trying to wrap her head around what I had just admitted to.
“I know,” I sighed, the tears welled in my eyes. “Everyone was looking at me, and I felt pressured to give him an answer . . . He sprung this on me, Mom. I had no idea he was even thinking about marriage.”
“He loves you.”
“I know he does, and he has been telling me that since we got together but—” I covered my face, ashamed. “I just don’t feel the same.”
“Talk to me, Lauren. What’s going on?” She placed her hand over mine.
“I—I think that—I’m still in love with Nick,” I sobbed. I couldn’t look at my mother. I was afraid to see the look on her face.
“Why do you think you still are?” she asked.
“Because when I saw him today, those emotions I felt before it ended, all came flooding in,” I said breathlessly.
“So you know in your heart that you love Nick, and you don’t love Mason?” She confirmed.
“Yes.” I covered my face again this time the tears escaped. “I’m so ashamed.”
“No, don’t feel ashamed, sweetheart. You can’t control what the heart wants, and maybe the hurt that Mason put you through was enough to bury those feelings that you did have for him,” she said, trying to make me feel better. I shrugged, not having any other excuse for my emotional betrayal.
“I don’t know what to do. Mason has changed so much since I met him, and I would hate to bring the worst out in him again,” I cried.
“First of all, you can’t blame yourself for anyone’s actions. Second, if Mason changes, that’s on him. He doesn’t need to be that way,” she replied.
“I guess.” I shrugged. “I really wanted it to be him. I did.”
“Wanting and feeling are two different things, Lauren.” She said giving me a hug. “Where is he now?” she asked.
“He went to his dad’s.”
“Give him some space. See how you feel the next time you see him, and if it hasn’t changed, then tell him. It’s not fair to string someone along.” She squeezed my hand.
“I know,” I whispered, agreeing.
I lied in bed that evening feeling worse than I did earlier. The talk with my mother didn’t help me sort my feelings. I wanted to tell Mason right away that I didn’t love him, and didn’t think I could. When I first met him, he was cruel, and he pushed me away. Now that he was sweet, caring and in love with me, I wanted no part of it. I didn’t understand it myself. With this weighing on my mind, I couldn’t sleep. I knew Mrs. Peterson was closing the restaurant soon, so I got out of bed got dressed and went to see her. A second opinion may help ease my mind.
When I first arrived she was just locking the doors. When she saw me standing outside, I started to reconsider why I went there, but the moment she let me in hugged me, it all came pouring out.
“ Lauren is everything all right?” she asked. I shook my head. “Come in, sweetie.” She locked up and led me over to a table. “Can we talk?” I asked.
“Is everything okay with your mom?” She asked.
“Yes.” I replied.
“What’s on your mind? Does this require coffee or alcohol?”
She asked with a smile. I couldn’t help but laugh and nod. “I’ll make you something sweet, cheer up that sad face of yours.” She walked behind the bar. When she finally sat down, taking my hand in hers, I let it all out. It felt good to pour my heart out to someone who was impartial to my relationship with Mason and Nick. She listened to me blather on and on.
“What do you think I should do?” I finally asked, taking a sip of my sangria.
