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Annnnd there it was: the voice of self-doubt. The specter of insecurity that hung like a blanket over just about every relationship I’d ever had.
Their infatuation is temporary, Morgan. Don’t delude yourself. Once you’re all back in the world again, they’ll each move on to someone else.
I was wracked by a sickening wave of dread, just thinking about it. Angrily, I shoved the voice away.
No. To hell with all that.
I’d been so quick to agree with that particular voice, for so long, it was almost stupid that I’d never once thought to fight back against it. But right here, right now? I decided on the spot I didn’t ever want to hear from that voice again.
These guys liked me. I liked them. Maybe for once I could accept that, without reservations. Without wondering when the other shoe would drop, or how long it would be before I invariably got burned.
Whatever happened once we were rescued would obviously happen. I couldn’t control it now. All I could do was enjoy what I had, and explore the feelings I had for each of these men. And I definitely did have feelings. Feelings that ran much deeper than even I liked to admit, staring up at the ceiling of a frozen hotel in the dead of night… after having been screwed literally senseless by three of the hottest guys on campus.
Morgan, Morgan, Morgan…
It was something my mother used to say, whenever I did something wrong. I chuckled evilly. I wondered what she would say if she could see me now.
You’ll get it working.
I thought of Boone’s words regarding the radio, and how they made me feel. They were meant to be encouraging, obviously. He was trying to be supportive.
I have faith in you.
Still, somehow his words had the opposite effect. I felt like such a failure up until now. Other than clearing the chimney, it had been all them, all the time. Feeding the fire. Providing the food. Fighting off the bear…
Shit, it had taken me three days to realize what was wrong with the radio! And even then I wasn’t sure I could fix it. A missing transistor, right there in the middle of the circuit board! How in the hell could I not have seen that before!
Maybe you just didn’t want to see it before?
The words struck me an almost physical blow. Wait…. What?
I bolted upright, the sleeping bag shrugging from my semi-naked body. Beside me, Boone was snoring like a lumberjack. On the other side, Jeremy stirred just long enough to re-arrange his hands as a pillow.
Maybe you only saw what you wanted to see.
A lump rose up in my throat. It felt like the size of as softball.
Or needed to see.
I tried to swallow, but the lump just wouldn’t go down. It only got worse. It was choking me now, gagging me…
Or made yourself see…
I jumped up, my heart racing a mile a minute. Carefully I stepped over the guys… then I ran for my shredded ski pants.
No.
I reached into the side pocket. Nothing. Relief flooded through me.
It couldn’t be.
Trembling, I forced myself to check the other side, the other pocket. My hand was shaking as it went in. It scrambled, feeling around…
… and came back out with the missing transistor.
“HOLY SHIT!”
Damn, Morgan. Just… Damn.
