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“Car accident,” he said and turned away. “Bad one.”
Roderick’s back was to me now, so I couldn’t read his face. I thought I saw his shoulders slump. Not just slump, but bounce a little afterward. Almost like… well, like…
Is he crying?
I honestly didn’t know. I couldn’t ask. I could barely even look at him.
“Is there anything else you need?” he choked. “Or are we done in here, or—”
“Oh yes,” I said quickly. “We’re done.”
He held the door for me on the way out. I caught him taking one last look as he closed it.
“You go in there a lot, don’t you?”
Roderick nodded. He wasn’t crying, but his eyes were glassy.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. “I’m a snooping asshole. I never would’ve tried to go in there, if I knew—”
“I know.”
I flung my arms around him and hugged him, more for myself than him. Now my eyes were glassy. My heart felt like a bowling ball, weighing heavy in my chest.
“It just hurts, you know?” he said. “Seeing her stuff. Looking at how it all used to be.”
My heart was ready to explode. My mind was reeling. “I understand.”
He pulled back and looked at me. “Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m sorry too.”
We hugged again, our bodies so tight we became one. It was pure love, pure comfort. Two people clinging to each other in a storm of memories, both good and bad.
“I go in there because I have to,” Roderick said. “I go in there because remembering is more important than forgetting.”
I nodded into his shoulder. The tears were flowing freely now. We stayed like that for a minute or two. It wasn’t nearly long enough.
“We all go in there, you know,” he said as he pulled away. “All three of us. But I… I go in there the most.”
It was the last thing he said as he walked away. I let him go, watching him pad down the hallway. My hand was on my own door’s knob when Roderick looked back to mutter one more thing.
“I go in there the most, because it was all my fault.”
Thirty-Seven
BRYCE
Monday brought work, and with it, time away from the manor. For the first time since I could remember, I was loathe to go. What we had with Karissa made me want to stay at the manor forever. She made us happy. She made us laugh. She brought new joy to an old place, and an exciting new vibe to our stagnant routine.
She’s not a puppy, man.
She wasn’t, but it was like that in a way. She was something to look forward to seeing at the end of the day. Something pure and beautiful, with a razor-sharp wit and a radiant smile and a whole bunch of other great things. Something… ours.
Again.
More than all of that, I wanted to hold her in my arms and make her feel safe. I wanted to wrap my body around her and protect her from whatever she was running from and could never talk about. Or even from the outside forces that seemed to be hellbent and breaking and burning the place down before we could fix it up.
