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Shaking my head, I tried to refocus myself. I couldn’t let myself get distracted like that. There was so much more that went into this kind of conversation than whether he made me weak in the knees by simply existing within eyesight of me. I had to weigh much more than that.
I didn’t want to get out of the bed. The spot where I had slept was still warm and the place beside it the same, but it also smelled like Kane’s cologne. He had good taste in blankets and comforters too, and I was incredibly comfortable. Plus, as soon as I got up, I was going to have to confront the conversation that was coming.
The worst part was the longer I sat there, the more I felt like I might be pretty sure how I was feeling. I didn’t want to feel the way I was, but it was there anyway. The dread of telling Kane, especially after spending the night and him giving me space, was killing me.
Sliding out of the bed reluctantly, I made my way into the kitchen, where Kane stood by the coffee maker, a mug in hand. He grinned, and I felt my heart break. That grin made my heart skip, and I was going to have to leave it here and probably never see it again.
“I made you coffee,” he said, holding out the mug. I took it with a slight smile but didn’t drink. Instead, I stared into the dark caffeine bomb, as if the words I needed to say were just below the surface.
“Thanks,” I said. “I think, before we say anything else, you should know that I’m going to go home. And I probably won’t be here again.”
The grin faltered but only a little. Taking a sip from his coffee, he eyed me, seeming to choose his words carefully before he spoke. Rather than give him the chance, I plowed on.
“I’m going to have a newborn,” I continued. “We’ve been on one date and had sex a few times. It’s not exactly the basis for a stable relationship, especially when a child is in the picture. It’s just hard to believe that a relationship where that’s all that is there before there’s suddenly a kid involved could possibly work.”
“Why?” he asked simply.
I blinked. I didn’t expect him to put the burden of explanation on me.
“Isn’t it evident?”
“No, it isn’t,” he said, the grin returning to form and taking another sip of the coffee.
Exasperated, I moved across the kitchen and into the living room. Kane followed me, and I curled up on the couch again, pulling the warm, soothing blankets over me.
“We don’t live anywhere close to each other,” I began.
“Travel is a thing,” he said. “I can travel to you, you can travel to me. We could meet in the middle. We could make that work.”
“For every time we want to see each other?”
“It would be romantic,” he said, undeterred. “All relationships stat because the people in them want to try. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, if they want to try, they do. And they make it work.”
“But what about the baby?” I asked. “That makes it so much harder.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he said flippantly. “I love babies. Babies tend to love me. We get along well.”
In spite of the frustration and disbelief, I laughed.
“This is different,” I said.
“I don’t see how, really,” he said. “Seriously, I love kids. I especially love babies. Let me ask you something.” Scooting to the edge of the chair, he matched my gaze, and I felt my chest tighten. “Do you feel a spark here?”
“Yes,” I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Then isn’t that worth exploring?”
I felt like all the air in the room was sucked out in one breath. There was no question about a spark. There had been a raging, burning fire between us, and still was. I could feel it at that moment, singeing my skin and making me sweat.
“Why are you pushing for this so hard?” I asked. “Can’t you see it’s not worth it?”
“Why don’t you let me decide what is worth it for myself?” he said, his voice turning serious and his eyes going dark.
All of the arguments drained out of me. It was the final nail in the coffin of any resistance I had left. He wasn’t just appealing to me and my own sense of hope, but also for his own. Asking me to not shut that door on him because it would affect both of us, not just me. I had been so wrapped up in what I thought was the value of a possible relationship that I hadn’t stopped to think that he might value it differently, that he might see the obstacles not as the mountains I saw in my head, but as hills we could climb together.
