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She dragged her eyes back to mine. “I just mean that this whole situation is a shit show already.”
“It’s not—”
“It is,” she said, her pointed tone leaving no room for argument. “Adding another child, an infant, into the mix is only going to make it more complicated.”
“So, you’d rather do it alone?” I asked, me eyebrow arched. I would never physically shake her, but I needed her to stop thinking I was prepared to ditch her at a moment’s notice. How could she not know that by now? After everything we’d been through together this far? She actually thought I could leave and not be involved in my own child’s life? Let alone hers and Jackson’s?
“No, that’s not what I mean. I just mean that I won’t hold it against you if you need to get back to your life.”
“I just told you that I’m not going anywhere. Why would this change that decision? Why do you keep questioning my motives?”
“I’m not trying to, Chase. I appreciate everything you’ve done and I’ve already told you that you’ve gone above and beyond and I don’t just mean with things between us…” she tapered off.
I reached for her and cupped her cheek. “Melissa what is it going to take to convince you? Tell me what it is and I’ll do it. I’m not Henry. I’m not going to cheat on you or—or play mind games with you. I’m not going to hurt you. But I can’t keep going back and forth on this. We both need to find a way to relax, and I don’t think we’re going to be able to do that with all your questions about my loyalty or intentions. I’m here. For you. For Jackson. And now, for this new baby,” I paused and dropped my gaze to her stomach. It looked the same to me as it always had but now I was stunned into a moment of silence at the thought of a tiny life growing in there.
“Chase, I’m not perfect. We’ve never even talked about this stuff before,” she said quietly. “It was this…this pause—a breath of fresh air from all the burden of everything else. I never meant for this to go on, but now, I can’t imagine what life would be like without you. You fit so perfectly into Jackson’s life—my life—like you’ve been here all along. But I didn’t want to say that and freak you out.”
I chuckled and brushed a finger across her cheek and then cupped the side of her face. “You could never freak me out. I feel the exact same way. I wasn’t looking for this. Wasn’t looking for you—but here you are and I never want to lose you.”
Melissa smiled and turned her mouth to kiss the side of my hand. “I guess we should’ve had this conversation a while ago, huh?”
“I guess so.” I brought her mouth down to mine and kissed her, wishing I could chase away all of her doubts and fears. We’d taken a giant step forward—and were about to jump several more once the baby arrived—but I knew it wasn’t going to be as easy as one short conversation to build her confidence in me—in us.
When we broke apart she curled into a ball on my lap, her toes on the arm of the chair and her head on my chest. I dropped another kiss to her brow and she sighed contentedly. “Can we just push pause? I want to stay like this all day.”
“Me too.”
“Real life is too complicated. I don’t want to adult right now.”
I sighed. “Ain’t that the truth. We have to call Matt back today and let him know what we’re planning to do.”
She sighed again, this time it was a sound of frustration and exhaustion. “I know. But I don’t know what to tell him. I can’t figure anything out right now. I know he wants answers, but I don’t have any to give.”
“Do you want to go back to California? Now that you know I’ll be there too?”
“But that means going to court against Henry and his attack dogs. If we win, I’ll be worried about how Henry will retaliate. But then if we lose…” she paused and sucked in a ragged breath. “If I lose…if I lose Jackson?”
I wished I could promise her it wouldn’t happen, but it was a real possibility and I refused to lie to her. All I could do was hold on to her as tight as I could and hope that in some small way it helped.
After a while, Melissa left to go be with Jackson when he woke up, and I mopped up the coffee mess and cleared the breakfast dishes from the small table on the front porch. When everything was done, I got a refill in my coffee mug and wandered down the front steps to get my bare feet in the rough sand in front of the house. It didn’t take long before Melissa and Jackson joined me. After Melissa convinced her son to eat some breakfast, he took off on an imaginary adventure involving a gardening trowel and his treasure map from the flea market.
