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I started shaking uncontrollably. My limbs felt numb and heavy. Then my stomach flipped and clenched and I stumbled from the couch, making it a few feet, before I collapsed to the floor and heaved up the remnants from my dinner all over the living room floor. I panted and tried to swallow the disgusting bile in the back of my throat.
Chase stooped beside me and I swatted at him, wishing he wasn’t there to see me as I shattered to pieces. “Melissa, stop fighting me. Let me help you.” He rubbed his hand along my back and tried to help me up, but I flopped to the ground as a sob broke loose from some primal place deep inside me.
I cried harder than I could ever remember crying before. My vision was blurred by the tears streaking down my face. My throat closed up in between body-wracking sobs. My chest burned as my lungs screamed for air. Before I could regain control, I started to hyperventilate.
“Melissa, breath. Focus on me. Breath in, slow, slow. There, yes, like that,” Chase coached me, his hand still running up and down my back and the ridged muscles that seized of their own accord.
“I—think—I’m—going to—” The thought became a reality and I dry heaved again.
“It’s okay. I’ll get it. Breathe.”
I whimpered and rocked back and forth on the floor, curling in on myself. “Henry’s dead? He’s dead.”
“Shhh. Baby, come here.” Chase scooped me from the floor and wrapped me in his arms. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”
His words bounced off me. They couldn’t sink in.
He stroked my hair until my breathing returned to semi-normal, and I sagged against him, finally having spent all my energy. I leaned back against the couch and stared blankly ahead. My eyes dropped to the place I’d thrown up and a hot rush of embarrassment spread through me. “Oh my gosh…I have to…” I started to push up from the floor but Chase stopped me.
“No, no. Stay here. I’m going to get you some water.” He walked away and flicked the TV off as he passed by. Not that I could have understood what they were saying anyway. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know.
I scrubbed at my eyes, wishing I could banish the images of Henry’s face staring back at me from the screen moments before. They’d used the picture from his real estate license. I remembered the day with crystal clarity. He’d been so proud. We’d gone out to a big dinner that we couldn’t afford and he’d presented me with a picture of a mansion in the Pacific Palisades. He’d told me that someday we’d own that house. I remembered telling him there were occupants in the house. He’d laughed and said that eventually, we’d make them such a crazy offer they couldn’t turn it down.
To his credit, he’d been right. A couple of years later, he paid cash, well above the market rate for the house, and we’d moved in two weeks later.
I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to go back again. Especially now that Henry was gone.
“Here,” Chase said, entering the room again. I glanced up and he offered me two tablets, a glass of water, and a linen napkin.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice groggy and thick.
Chase sat down next to me on the floor and tucked me against his side. “Melissa, I’m sorry. I know I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through so I’m not going to try. Just remember that I’m here and I’ll help you in any way I can.”
I nodded and sipped from the water glass. The water was lukewarm but cleared away the nasty taste in my mouth. I tried not to look at it. At least on hardwood, it would be easy to clean up.
I blew out a long slow breath. I glanced down at my hand and remembered the two pills. “What are these for?”
“Just aspirin. I figured you’d get a headache. The last time I cried like that I had a whopper for two days afterward.”
His candor surprised me and I snuggled in closer to him. “What were you crying about?”
He set his jaw and stared ahead for a long moment before dropping his eyes down to me. The pain behind them made my heart jump. “I lost a good friend. A fellow SEAL. I cried like a baby when I got the news. It took me a long fuckin’ time to get over that. In some ways, I guess I’m still not over it. It’s been years but I can remember it all like it was yesterday. He was like a brother to me.”
“I’m sorry, Chase.”
He nodded. “If you don’t want the pills, I’ll take them back. I just figured—”
“I don’t think I should…with the baby…”
