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As Violet sighs with relief, Ryan pops up, clearly intending to follow his brother into the other room to watch the scene. “Come on, Peenie Weenie!” Ryan booms. “Show me your lingering dong!”
“Kewl,” Keane says. “All joking aside, I’d appreciate you telling me honestly if you think the porridge is too hot, too cold, or just right.”
“Oh, I’ll tell you, honestly,” Ryan says. He looks at the group. “Don’t leave me hanging here, guys, along with Peen’s peen. Someone else has to come with me to see this porridge.”
“I’d appreciate as much honest feedback as I can get,” Keane says, sounding surprisingly earnest.
Dax and Colin exchange a look I’d caption, Fuck my life. But they both stand, reluctantly, to join the effort. And once that happens, Fish sighs and guides Jackson off his lap, clearly intending to follow suit.
“Thanks, lads!” Keane says. “Ladies? Any of you want to check out my porridge, too?”
“I’ve already seen your porridge, many times,” Maddy deadpans, before pointing to the sleeping baby in her arms.
“Yeah, I think I’m good,” Violet says. “I’d rather not think about your porridge while sitting across from you at Thanksgiving every year.”
Ally shakes her head, looking like a deer in headlights, so I do the same, not that anyone is looking at me, the new girl.
“Suit yourselves, ladies,” Keane says. “But trust me, you’re missing out!”
With that, Keane and his band of brothers and best friends march out of the room to take a nice, long lingering gander at Ball Peen Hammer’s penis. Apparently, in notably excellent lighting.
Twenty-Seven
Amy
With the men out of the room, Violet asks Maddy if she’s as comfortable with Keane showing his ding-dong to the world as it seemed earlier. And Maddy confirms, yes, she’s one hundred percent comfortable with it—that, in fact, she thinks it’s not only hilarious and fun for her exhibitionist husband to bare it all to the world, but, also, she says, she believes it will be a showstopping, buzzworthy moment in the show, which will, in turn, create a social media frenzy, that, in turn, will wind up being a fantastic career move for Keane, like she suggested earlier.
“I suppose, if I didn’t trust my husband completely, I might freak out about the attention he’s going to attract,” Maddy concedes. “But I know Keane belongs to me, completely.” She smiles down at her baby, who’s fast asleep in her arms. “And now, to Billie, too. I never doubt Keane, when it comes to loyalty. He’s rock solid. And let’s not forget, he was a stripper when I met him. I know how much he loves baring it all. So, let my man have his fun at work, as long as he’s all mine, in real life.”
Violet and Maddy talk about the parallels for her, in terms of Dax being a worldwide sex symbol—although a reluctant one, in Dax’s case. But I’m pulled away from eavesdropping on their fascinating conversation by a little blonde nugget tugging on my shirt. It’s Jackson, holding up a wooden puzzle he’s apparently pulled out of his mommy’s tote bag.
“Will you play with me?” he asks.
“I’d love to, Jackson.”
I slide off the couch and sit on the floor next to him, and we begin figuring out the simple puzzle together. But after a few minutes, someone says my name, drawing my attention. When I look up, it’s Maddy who’s addressed me.
“Colin’s an actor now,” Maddy says. “Would you be upset if he showed his crown jewels in a movie?”
“Oh, I don’t think I’m entitled to have an opinion on that, since we’re not a couple.”
Maddy looks surprised. “You and Colin aren’t dating?”
I shake my head, feeling embarrassed. “No. I mean, yes, sort of, in the sense that we’re not merely platonic friends. But it’s casual. No labels or strings.” Except for the fact that I love him. “We grew up together,” I add quickly, reacting to the three stares I’ve provoked. “And Colin thinks there’d be too much pressure from our families if we jumped into a relationship, out in the open, so . . .” I trail off, realizing I sound like a pathetic doormat.
The truth is mortifying to me. There’s no way around it. I’ve been letting Colin feed me tiny little breadcrumbs this whole time, whenever he chooses, when what I want—and deserve—is the entire goddamned loaf!
Violet looks sympathetic. “Colin’s engineered a little ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement while you’re staying at his house this week, has he?”
I nod, acknowledging the pitiful truth, not only to her, but to myself.
Violet’s blue eyes flash with anger. “Colin wants to have sex with you, and play house with you, and bring you to parties and to my house to hang out, until we’re all head over heels in love with you . . . all while telling you it’s only casual?”
