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Another tremor wracked Lexi’s body, and I winced. Fuck, I hated seeing her this way. If she’d chosen to Turn, it would have been one thing. I still would have detested seeing her in pain, but knowing she’d consented to endure it would have made a difference. But this … she hadn’t asked for this. The change had been thrust upon her. And even as I longed for it to be over, I dreaded finding out if she’d resent what she was.
I sensed more than saw Jared teleport into the bedroom. The apartment wasn’t mine or Lexi’s. It was one of several that were allocated to newborns. More like a spacious hotel suite, it had windows built to withstand vampiric strength so that there was no chance of a newborn breaking the glass and escaping while overcome by bloodlust. They could do a fair amount of damage when on a rampage, so it was important that they be contained. But no one wanted to put them in a cell, so this was the next best thing.
When moments of silence went by, I spared Jared a sideways glance. “If you’re here to tell me to get my ass to training, don’t bother. I’m not leaving Lexi’s side.”
“I’m not going to ask you to,” he said. “Fuck knows I wouldn’t have left Sam if the situation were reversed.”
My shoulders lost some of their tension.
“Besides, you’re actually an ideal person to be with Lexi throughout the conversion. Whenever she’s feral from bloodlust, you can be with her in your astral form, keeping your physical body safe from attack. Plus, she knows and trusts you. Right now, she needs someone she trusts, so it’s better that she’ll see you here during those lucid periods.”
“She shouldn’t trust me,” I said, shame curdling in my stomach. “I swore I’d protect her from Castor. Fuck, I never considered that he had someone teleporting him around. I should have.”
“None of us thought he had help. Sure, we knew Colm could teleport. But he was good at seeming like a quiet little mouse who was content with trailing after Dion. I wouldn’t have guessed he’d be so ballsy or so stupid as to support a man who had a target on his back. So, either we all failed Lexi, or the blame for her Turning belongs to Castor. I’m going with the latter.”
“I know it’s his fault that she’s Turning, but I still let her down. I told her I wouldn’t let him get to her. She believed me. Believed I’d keep her safe.”
“But she had to also know that, despite how much you meant what you said, there was no way you could guarantee that he wouldn’t reach her. Come on, Damien, Lexi is a logical woman. If she’s angry with anyone once she’s fully converted and thinking straight, I really can’t see it being you.”
I wanted him to be right. I really did. “Know what guts me?” I asked, my voice cracking. “I once told her I could find her anywhere because I’d taken her blood. While she stood in that rainforest with Castor, she would have banked on me finding her. She would have been waiting for me to show up and save her. But I didn’t get to her fast enough.”
Jared moved to stand in front of me and cocked his head. “What about me? Do you blame me for not getting you to her before he could Turn her?”
I frowned. “No. You worked hard and fast to find her, but we had a fuck of a lot of ground to cover—”
“Exactly. If I don’t hold any blame, how can you?”
I snapped my mouth shut. She let out another whimper, and my heart squeezed. “The fucker had nothing to gain by doing this to her. Why do it?”
“Because he could, Damien. Sometimes, that’s the only motivation a person needs. The belief that they’re entitled to do whatever they want.”
He was right. I’d seen that sort of behaviour over and over in Austin and Kaiden, hadn’t I? Such people often destroyed many lives because they never thought of anyone but themselves. They were just so eager to strike out at everyone and avenge every bruise to their ego. They never thought beyond the gratification they’d get from their actions. Like tantrum-throwing toddlers.
“You’re not responsible for any of this, and I don’t believe Lexi will hold you responsible. I’m not saying she’ll be thrilled. There’s a good chance she’ll resent that the choice was taken from her and that she was Turned by someone out of sheer spite—I know how that feels. But I only ever blamed that on my Maker. Lexi won’t blame you.”
Maybe not, but there was a possibility she’d be so utterly pissed that she just couldn’t stand to be on the island any longer. Many newborns who’d been Turned against their will headed off alone, feeling lost and adrift. “She might ask to leave The Hollow once she’s fully in control of her gift and her bloodlust.”
