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“I’d snuggle into you, but I feel like I’ll vomit if I so much as lift my head,” I said.
He went very still. “Snuggle?”
“I realise you’re a macho man and may like to believe you don’t snuggle, but you totally do when you’re asleep. How long before the nausea and head pain passes?”
“A few minutes. Maybe longer.”
I blinked a few times, letting my eyes slowly adjust to the light, and then fully opened them. I focused on his face, taking in the lines of strain. “Hey.”
He rubbed my back again. “Hey.”
I licked my dry lips. “I’m guessing Castor’s dead.” Because I couldn’t feel the blood-link that Maisy had talked so much about.
“Not yet.”
I frowned. “I don’t feel connected to him.”
“You’re not. Imani severed the blood-link while you were out cold.”
I felt my brows inch up. “Oh.” Well that was definitely good. I glanced around, taking in my surroundings.
“You’re in one of the small apartments they keep for newborns.”
I’d suspected as much. Maisy had mentioned how she’d lived in one for a short while. She’d told me a lot about her early nights. She’d also told me about her conversion, but nothing could have prepared me for how intense it had been. Not just the pain, but the bloodlust and the maddening arousal.
Hazy though my memories were, I could recall hearing his voice so many times. I hadn’t always known who he was, but I’d recognised his voice. I remembered feeding from him, remembered having him inside me over and over. Others had come and offered their blood, but never had he left me alone.
“You stayed with me,” I said.
“Of course I fucking stayed with you. I’m …” Damien trailed off with a soft curse. “Jesus, Lex.”
I frowned at the guilt that rippled across his features. “Don’t you dare apologise. None of this is on you.”
“I swore I wouldn’t let him get to you.”
“Oh well if you swore it …” Snorting, I shook my head. Pain lanced through my skull, and I winced. “Shit, shouldn’t have moved.”
He glided his fingers over my scalp, gently kneading and stroking. “Has the nausea passed yet?”
Not daring to nod for fear it would bring on another surge of pain, I replied, “Yes.”
He grunted in what could have been satisfaction.
“You can’t control other people’s actions, Damien.”
“You’re giving me assurances when it should be the other way around.” He cursed again. “There’s nothing I can say that will make this easier on you.”
I felt my brow furrow. “Do I look like I’m on the verge of a breakdown or something?”
“No. But I am waiting for you to go ape shit.”
“Not my style.”
Seconds ticked by as he stared at me. “Baby, just in case you haven’t processed it yet, you’re a fully-fledged vampire now.”
“I know.” It was quite a doozy.
“There’s no reversing the transformation.”
“Yep, I’ve heard that.”
“Your life is now going to be seriously different. New laws, new strengths, new weaknesses, new diet.”
“I have considered all that.” I’d always thought the latter would bother me most, but the thought of drinking blood no longer made me queasy. It was too much a part of what I now was.
Frowning, he gave his head a little shake. “Why aren’t you raging? Your human life was taken from you against your will.”
“And I’m seriously pissed about that. Don’t think I’m not. If I was going to Turn, it should have been my choice. It might have one day been my choice.”
The line between his brows slipped away. “You considered Turning?”
“I thought about it.”
“And?”
“And I wasn’t opposed to it. I just wanted more time to think on it and be sure it was right for me. I’m not happy that I was robbed of that time, but I’m not devastated either. It is what it is.”
“It is what it is,” he repeated tonelessly, disbelief plain on his face.
“Yes, it … Why are you burying your face in your hands?”
“This is just not how I expected this conversation to go.”
“You thought I’d cry, rant, rage, maybe even attack you?”
He dropped his hands. “Pretty much, yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re taking this so well, I’m glad you’re not utterly devastated. I’m relieved you’re not declaring that you hate what you are and wish to be killed—yeah, some newborns have done that.”
“I’m not going to be one of them.”
“I see that. And I’d like to believe you’re truly processing it well as opposed to just being in shock, but—”
“I’m not in shock, and I’m not going to fall apart.” And I would never let my anger at Castor make me hate what I was … because that would have given him what he wanted. Plus, like I’d told Maisy when she’d mentioned wanting to cling to the anger she felt toward Compton, finding happiness was often the best form of revenge.
“So what now?” I asked. “I can’t have full freedom yet, can I?”
