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Old school.
I don’t feel much like explaining myself, except to Lois. I tell him as much as I think she needs to know right now.
“I was convicted of a DUI for not cooperating with the police, that much I’m sure you all know,” I begin, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my past in front of Lois, but her hand is still in mine and she flexes it to encourage me.
I know she’ll stick with me, no matter how good or bad my story is.
She’d better, she’s mine now.
Almost.
The thought of words instead of actions makes me tense. I only want to take her home now, but needs must be met and I’d rather deal with a local sheriff than the feds right now.
“How ‘bout you get straight to the part about what you’ve been doing since disappearing in a certain plane crash, eh?” the sheriff drawls, sharing my own impatience.
The memory isn’t a painful one, at that point in my life it felt like I might have been better off dead, but something in this life has always kept me going. Always landing on my feet.
Looking at Lois, I realize why now.
“Once the plane crashed, and I could see everyone was alright… I just slipped off into the woods,” I tell them.
That’s just what I did.
“I wandered for a few days, finding food and shelter where I could in the woods until the woods cleared and I found myself in some pretty familiar country.”
All eyes in the room are a question, and all on me, the sheriff licks his pencil again, urging me to go on with a movement of his head.
“I came out of the woods down the road a ways from old Mrs. Barnes place. A place I know pretty well.”
“And how’s that?” The sheriff asks dryly, looking from me to Lois like it should mean something.
“I don’t have to tell you everything, Sheldon,” I inform him. “Going missing isn’t a crime. I paid my taxes and had everything taken care of. I haven’t broken the law.” I add firmly, squeezing Lois’s hand again.
Sheriff’s not too pleased. I don’t sound too remorseful, so he decides to turn things up a notch.
“I still have a pending trespassing charge for your young friend here,” he says, pointing to Lois with his pencil. “And unless you’ve got a good reason, I’m calling bullshit on your Barnes house theory. Old Mrs. Barnes hasn’t lived there for years, everybody knows that. What makes you-”
But I cut him off, losing my cool for the first time in a long time and grabbing him by the throat.
“You can ask Mrs. Barnes yourself, can’t you?” I snarl through gritted teeth, letting him go as quickly as I grabbed him. Apologizing once I see how upset it’s made Lois.
“Sorry Sheriff. Mrs. Barnes is like a mother to me. I don’t like hearing her name used like that.”
The lawman looks ready to cuff me and Lois, so I figure he may as well have it.
“I never had anyone growing up, if you must know, Sheriff. No parents, nobody. Mrs. Barnes, well she made sure I had enough to get educated and keep a roof over my head. Clothes on my back.”
“So she adopted you,” he says, scratching his head and looking at me sideways.
“No, not adopted. If you know Mrs. Barnes, you know she wouldn’t do anything so soft as that. She’s tough as old nails. She just made sure I was taken care of, financially. Once I made a way for myself in the world, I tried to pay her back but she wouldn’t have it. I took her surname out of respect and gratitude. Changing my own name as soon as I was old enough.”
“Does she know you went missing?” Lois asks me, and I notice Barbara jotting down notes as well as the Sheriff.
Like it or not, the paper’s getting a story. The whole damn town’s getting a story.
“I got word to her,” I murmur, remembering how long it’s been since I paid old Mrs. B. a visit in her new home.
“I’m gonna have to corroborate all this with somebody,” The Sheriff finally says, sighing bitterly and scowling at me as he rubs his neck.
“No, going missing isn’t a crime but wasting police time is! Now I’ve given you plenty of slack here, mister, don’t leave town without my say so. Got it?” he says finally, and I even let him stab me in the chest with his finger.
“Can I go home now?” I ask him, trying not to sound too sarcastic, but half-smiling already at the idea of taking Lois back with me.
Claiming her good and proper.
“I gotta make some calls. You sit tight until I tell you what and where you can go just now Mister,” he says gruffly, helping himself to an old-style phone on Barbara’s desk and turning away from us all as he dials stiffly.
