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Peter goes on to tell me how the idea came about. He was thinking Peter Rabbit than Rabbit Raider.
Whatever.
All I see is a grown man in a pink hoodie suit with bunny ears. He’s even wearing pink gloves and pink bunny sandals.
“What’s are those things attached to that blue strap around your chest?”
“These? Pink colored egg grenades.”
“And that?” I ask with a very concerned look.
“Pastel blue bunny-modified hockey mask.”
“I was just about to guess that.” And now I don’t have to guess why I overhear so many girls talking about how hard it is to find a good guy these days. Damn, Peter is my best friend but if guys in fluffy pink bunny suits are in charge of raising the “men” of the next generation then the girls are gonna be seriously lacking for choices.
But I don’t care at all about that. I’ll worry about that if and when it’s time for my daughter or daughters, unless all ten of the children we’re going to have are boys, start dating.
I’ve got the only woman I want and I’m set for life. The ring on her finger proves it.
“When did you get here?”
“Just a minute ago. Didn’t see you outside, or what I guessed you’d be dressed as, so I came inside. Where’s your costume by the way?”
“I…took it off awhile ago. I was about to shut—“
“The host can’t not have a costume on! Come on, man. Party foul to the max. Slide that sucker back on and let me see what you chose.”
“I was actually about to—“
“Come on, dude! I drove four hours to get here. It’s almost three hundred miles. You’re not gonna tell me that you’re tired now and you want to go to bed are you.”
I need to get out of this one, and do it fast. But he’s got a point. If I try and get rid of everybody now it’s going to look too obvious. Plus he’ll be angry and will probably want to sit on the couch drinking beers for half the night. If I let the guests stay at least they can provide a sort of cover and I can alert Penelope to what’s going on and I can lure her dad somewhere and she can slide out without being detected.
That’s my only option and Peter, or Peter Rabbit or whatever the hell he is, has actually given me the perfect way out of this.
If only he knew.
“Okay, man. You’re right. Just stay right here and let me go back inside my room and put on my costume and surprise you.”
“That’s your room? I thought that was the coat room?”
“Nope. I’m not making that tenured professor salary yet.”
“Well I’m glad I didn’t go in there after all. I was about to go drop my keys in there somewhere since I’m ready to toss back some beers and there’s no way I’m driving out of here tonight. I was gonna ask if it’s cool if I crash on your couch by the way?”
Is someone playing a trick on me? It is Halloween after all and I definitely already had my treat…that’s for sure.
But what’s also for sure is that I want a lot more of that treat, and Peter’s unknowingly stopping me from it. It’s like he has some sort of daughter radar. Like his dad gene senses when his daughter’s doing something her father wouldn’t approve of. I try not to laugh at the crazy thought and realize I just need to go with this and not get, or especially act upset or he’s going to figure out something’s wrong.
Not to mention who am I to be upset? The guy is my best friend and here I am doing things with his daughter behind his back.
Penelope and I are both adults and what we do is our decision, but still…as my best friend the last thing I need is for him to find out about it through the grapevine.
“Couch is all yours, buddy,” I say giving him a high five. “Now let me just slip into that costume and surprise the hell out of you.”
“Now we’re talking!”
I feel a tap on my shoulder and then an arm wrap around me.
“I borrowed one of your T-shirts. I hope you don’t mind,” she says.
Oh shit.
Even with the hockey mask on I look at ol’ Roger Rabbit, or whatever the heck his costume is, work through the mental math of this one.
I see his eyes dart down to Penelope and then back up to me and finally back to her.
“Why is that big bunny staring at me?” she asks, and I feel her breasts press into my back as she slides her body from behind me.
“This big bunny is your fucking father!”
Chapter Twenty
Penelope
Just when you think you’ve seen it all life reminds you just how crazy it can get.
