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I did everything my father expected of me to prepare for this weekend. I invited a friend to make up the numbers, which I knew was important to him. I meticulously planned three costumes for three nights, even though Halloween has never been my thing. I did my best to smile and laugh and mingle, because that’s what he expects. But he couldn’t even allow me the one little thing that I wanted - a chance to spend a little time with Wes. He wanted me to meet him so badly, and now we’ve been ripped apart before we really got a chance to speak to one another, to explore our desire for each other. I would have been so much less reluctant to come to this party had I known a man like Wes would be here to sweep me off my feet.
But of course, Dad never intended for us to hit it off in the way that we did. I know how strange it must have felt for him to walk in and suspect his best pal is hitting on his daughter. But I’m a grown woman now. Can’t I make my own decisions?
If we were given the chance, could Wes and I really be something? If I took my father out of the equation, I’m certain we’d still be rolling around together on my bed, exploring the obvious chemistry that we have. We didn’t even get around to talking properly, but I know he’s just my type. I’ve never spoken to a guy of my own age and found myself wanting more. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as immature as the boys I met downstairs. In fact, I don’t want a boy at all - I want a man.
I want Wes.
I’d never considered the idea of being with an older man before tonight. I mean, I’ve crushed on actors well above my own age, but I’ve never seriously considered what an older guy might be able to do for me. And now that I know the attraction is there with Wes, I want to explore it. I love everything about him. He seemed so quietly confident without being cocky, and experienced with his hands, so willing to teach me everything I’m desperate to know about love and sex. I’ve always been focused on my studies up until now, trying to get through theater school so that I can have the life I’ve always dreamed of, but now, I see what I’ve been missing. There’s a small part of me that feels unsatisfied, desperate for romance in my life. Wes could have provided that if he’d been given the chance. Now, we might never speak to one another again.
I don’t know what’s worse - the thought of never seeing him again, or seeing him after this and knowing that I can’t have him.
Chapter Five
Wes
I’ve never had such a damn frustrating night in my life. I’m lying in bed, hard as a rock, unable to sleep because of my arousal. It’s been a long time since I felt so sexually charged. I’ve always busied myself with work, happy to forget anything to do with women and sex. Honestly, I thought I was happy with my life up until now. But now that I know what I’m missing, the ache I feel for Zooey is almost painful.
I don’t feel as though I deserve this torture. Everyone around me just seems so happy. All my friends are married with kids, I never really craved that life until I realized what I could be missing. I’m older now. Forty-one is the completely wrong time to be having these thoughts. But now that they’ve come to me, I can’t seem to shake them off.
I’m so tempted to jerk off to the thought of Zooey, just to give myself some damn relief, but part of me knows it wouldn’t help in the long run. It’s like hunger. Just because you eat once doesn’t mean you won’t be hungry again. It’s an endless cycle and I know the second I give into temptation, the second I get a taste for the thought of her, I’ll want it over and over again. She will consume my life until I can think of no one else. It’s almost painful, lying here unable to reach the release I’m so desperate for, but I hold back even so.
This whole ordeal makes me feel bitter toward Lawrence. I know it’s not his fault I’ve fallen hard and fast for his daughter, but he’s the only thing standing between me and her. And it sometimes feels like I live my life to please him. As his business partner, there is a lot of compromise, and mostly, he tends to get his own way. He’s more invested in the company than I am, and he gets much more hands on with our clients. When you’re in events management, you have to be charismatic and sociable, a side to me I have to fake until I make it. For him it comes naturally, so I let him take the reins when it comes to work. But now, it’s like he’s steering my love life too, even if it’s unintentional. It makes me so damn mad. It makes me want to rebel. But can I really throw everything away for a girl I’ve just met?
