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“I’ve never felt so good,” I whisper as he continues to tease me. I’m quietly reaching the edge of another climax with every movement of his finger. I know how it goes from here from my own experiences. The orgasms will get closer together, get much less intense, but still so good that it’s impossible to resist carrying on. I edge toward the end with several gasps and he brings me to another orgasm that makes me sees stars. Then, his fingers dip inside me, gently penetrating my wet pussy.
“I want to make you feel even better,” he murmurs. “That’s what I’m here for.”
I find that I don’t mind that at all. I let him continue his magic between my legs as I groan.
“I’ve never found myself in a position where I feel so...compatible.”
“Maybe some things are just meant to be,” Wes says sleepily. Suddenly, sex isn’t what I want anymore. As much as it feels good to have him touching me, all I really want is to know what it feels like to fall asleep in his arms. All I want is to fall asleep and be with him in my dreams as well as in real life. I gently move his hand away and place it instead on my waist. Wes smiles at me a little sleepily and pulls my body closer to him. I can feel his heartbeat through his chest as we press together, and my own heart is running amok. This is what I have been waiting for.
I close my eyes and fall asleep in his arms.
When I wake up, I expect the euphoria to continue. I expect excitement as wild as when he was inside me last night, but for what the future might hold for us instead of for sex. Instead, I wake up with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I adjust to my surroundings, I find that it’s early morning now, and Wes is still fast asleep. The house is quiet and it seems like no one else is awake, leaving me alone with this new-found guilt that I have.
How could I be so stupid last night? Following my heart is one thing, but I followed Wes straight to bed. As much as I wanted it, I should have had the sense to hold back. After all, even if he is the man of my dreams, the only one who can make me happy in the long run, he is still my father’s best friend. Even if I don’t have a lot of respect for my father, it was still a mistake to do something that would directly hurt him. He’s trying now to fix things between us, and my actions last night could put a dagger straight through his heart. Am I really that uncaring, that thoughtless? If I am, I guess I’ve now stooped down to my father’s level.
Now, I’m left not knowing what to do. Do I keep digging this grave I’ve started to unearth, and see if I can make something of my relationship with Wes? Or do I walk away now, and potentially save my relationship with my father? Do I go after what my heart wants, or do I listen to my head?
If my father finds out, it’ll make the decision for me. If I ruin things with him unintentionally, then I owe it to myself to make something work with Wes. But that’s the worst case scenario, and I really hope he never finds out what I did here. Ideally, I’d get my happily ever after, but it seems that no matter what I do, I’m set to lose. This is bigger than what I want. I have to take myself out of the equation before I make even more of a mess. It’s not just my heart at stake. It’s relationships, family, life long friendships, partnerships in business. And I don’t want to be the reason anything in this world falls apart.
I slowly slide out of bed, tears welling in my eyes. I pick up my underwear and slide it on in the darkness of the room, hoping Wes won’t stir. I have to leave before he wakes up. We only have one more day to survive here at this ridiculous extravaganza, and then I never have to see him again. My Wes. My breaking heart will heal over time...maybe. If it doesn’t, I guess I’ll just have to deal with that for as long as I live. The man who took my virginity will become a dull ache in my heart forever, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I walk slowly toward the door, wishing someone would give me a reason to stay tucked up next to him. I wish someone else would take the control over this decision. But I’ve made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. I open the door quietly and tiptoe down the corridor, away from Wes, away from everything I have ever wanted. Am I making a mistake? Probably? Can I go back now? I don’t think so.
