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“I won’t.”
With that, Poppy heads back inside the house and I’m left feeling a little excited. This morning might have gone badly, but at least now, I’m being given a second shot. At least now, I know what I need to do to get my girl back by my side. Forget Lawrence. Forget what anyone thinks. I’m going to make her my girl no matter what anyone thinks.
Zooey
This morning has drained me. Pretending that I don’t want to see Wes is exhausting. Each time I walk past him, I have to duck my head and act like I can’t even see him. But now that I’m doing my best to stay away, it’s like he is everywhere. I notice each time he talks to a woman that isn’t me, I'm left feeling jealous and alone as I slink around the house. I notice him and my father talking and I wish I could be by his side, interacting with him like a girlfriend would. But there’s only one day to go until this torture is over. Then, I can try and put him out of sight and out of mind.
But part of me is terrified that I can’t do it. He’s the first man that I’ve felt this way for in twenty-one years. What if this is my one chance and I’m abandoning it because I’m scared? What if I’m considering all of the worst case scenarios that could happen between us, but none of the good options? Is it possible that I’m wrong and that my father would give me his blessing? Am I overthinking this way too much?
I wish I could curl up in my bed and go to sleep, but Poppy keeps dragging me into the thick of the celebrations, trying to get me to enjoy myself. As early evening approaches, she takes me upstairs to get into our costumes for the night. The theme is spooky swimming costumes, but I can’t even find it in me to be amused by our matching spider bathing suits. Poppy is trying extra hard too, dialing back on her usual quips to make me feel better, but even though I appreciate the thought, it isn’t working. Right now, nothing can make me feel better other than having Wes back beside me.
But he must be put off by the way I acted this morning. Who wouldn’t be? I literally left him on his own with no explanation and then ignored him all day. He has every right to ignore me back, and never speak to me again. It was rude of me, and I should have just explained what I was thinking. But I think, looking back, I would have done exactly the same thing again. I don’t think I would have the courage to admit my feelings about him and then walk away. And I have to walk away, because there’s too many obstacles. There are a million reasons why we are wrong for one another, even if it feels completely right. If he told me to stay, I would want to, and I can’t do that now. I have to accept that this is the way things are and move on with my life.
“Cheer up,” Poppy says to me as she does my makeup. It seems like a ridiculous idea when we are supposed to be swimming tonight in the heated pool, but she insists we will mostly be ‘poolside posing.’ “I don’t know what’s on your mind, but things always fall together eventually. I think tonight will be an eye-opener for you. Trust me.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. She has no idea what’s going on with me. Despite our conversation in bed last night, she doesn’t know half of the story between me and Wes. She doesn’t know how hard it is to resist him when he’s the person I’m supposed to ignore. In fact, she probably doesn’t even know I’m moping about a man. Still, it’s nice of her to try and cheer me up so I smile at her and let her continue coating my eyes with dark shadow. At least she knows how to make me look good for tonight. Feeling like shit is often easier when you look like a million dollars.
“Put on your heels, hook those hoops through your ears and lets go,” Poppy says when she’s done with my face. “It’s going to be a party to remember, I promise.”
I put a smile on for her sake. She’s tried so hard to cheer me up that I owe it to her to try and enjoy the evening. A few minutes later, she hooks her arm through mine and we descend the stairs together. At the bottom, a group of young guys watch us with hungry eyes, lingering on our bodies. It makes me blush a little, but I keep my chin up high. After last night, a little ego boost is exactly what I need, and those pervy men have provided. Poppy winks in their direction and we dissolve into giggles. With her at my side, I feel a little better already.
