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“I want to know everything,” he nods vigorously. “Everything that happened while we were separated. It’s important to me.”
I nod and shut my eyes tightly. I don’t want to speak about it, but I know Heath is right. If I want to deal with my problems and the emotional wounds left behind by Xander, I need to talk about what he did to me, what he put me through. So for the next hour, Heath listens quietly while I recount everything that happened in Xander’s mansion. By the time I’m done, Heath’s knuckles are clenched so tightly they’ve turned white, and he looks more pissed off than I’ve ever seen him.
“I’m going to kill him for everything he put you through.”
“I’m sure you will,” I whisper. “But I have a feeling Xander is gone for good. He escaped, didn’t he?”
“He did,” Heath nods with some reluctance. “But I won’t stop looking for the bastard and neither will Xavier.”
“But Xavier... he’s looking for us too, right?”
“Probably,” Heath admits. “But I’m never going to let him find you.”
I shake my head. “Seems like we’re sitting ducks here, just waiting for him to realize where we’re hiding.”
“I will not let him take you away from me.”
“What if you don’t have a choice?”
“Rain, he’s not putting his claws on you again. I’d rather die than watch that happen.”
I remain quiet, unsure whether I should tell him I know Xavier can kill us both, no matter what. The man is ruthless. He doesn’t give a shit that we’re married and that Heath is his nephew. He’d kill anyone to get ahead. I realized that a long time ago.
Heath paces the room while I sit on the bed, nervously folding my hands in my lap.
“When they fucked you...” Heath’s unfinished sentence hangs in the air between us. “When they fucking raped you... Did they use protection?”
I shake my head, unable to handle the weight of his gaze as I softly add, “They only fucked my ass.”
He curses out loud. Heath seems like a ticking time bomb right now, so pissed of because of everything that’s happened to me it’s a small wonder he hasn’t imploded with anger yet.
“It doesn’t matter, Heath,” I go on. “I still want you.”
“Do you?” His eyes find mine and I struggle with my reply. “Or have they ruined something beautiful we had, forever?”
“I hope not,” I manage miserably, making Heath groan.
“It’s so fucking hard to keep my hands off you,” he mutters, making me instantly stiffen up.
“You can still fuck me,” I manage uncertainly, feeling his hot gaze on me.
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “I just... I just want to stay in my own room.”
This seems to surprise him, and he raises his brows at me, muttering, “Why?”
“Because I... I want to be alone,” I squeak. “I don’t trust anyone after what happened.”
“You don’t trust me, Sunshine?”
“I want to,” I manage. “I just... don’t know if I can yet.”
Heath curses under his breath before starting to rant about Xander and his men. And I understand him, I do. I know he wants them all dead. But all I want right now is to forget the shit they put me through. I want to erase everything that happened to me on Xander’s property, even the sexual experiences he put me through. And I have the feeling that the only way I can do that is to replace them with adventures I have with Heath.
As he paces the room, I grab his hand and pull him closer. Our eyes meet.
“I want you to fuck me tonight,” I whisper. “I want you to fuck every trace of them out of me. I want to feel like I belong to you and only you.”
Heath nods with a severe expression. “Tonight, I’ll come to your bedroom once I’m done with some business. Until then, you’ll be shadowed by two guards to ensure your safety.”
I nod, still feeling the adrenaline rush from asking something I thought I’d never want again. But now I know I need it. Those nasty memories that Xander gave me need to be replaced, and the only one who can erase what happened to me is Heath. He seems more than eager to help me, though. His hungry gaze drinks me in quietly, and I shiver in anticipation of tonight.
I hear voices out of my bedroom that night, shivering in the bed. I’ve had all day to think about what’s going to happen between Heath and me tonight. I know he wants to fuck me, and I want it too. What I don’t want, though, is a romantic lovemaking session during which he’ll make me feel whole and loved. No, that’s the farthest thing from what I want.
I want fucking. Pure, raw, animalic fucking that will knock all those horrible moments from Xavier’s mansion out of my head. I can only hope Heath understands my craving for something darker, rougher and crueler.
