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I flush, quickly putting the dress back amid the layers of tissue paper. I can’t believe I picked this out in my confusion. It’s only going to make Heath want to get me naked more... But once he finds out how broken I am, he’ll change his mind. I’m sure of it.
I slip into the slick silk of the dress. My hair falls down my shoulders in a long curtain of gold. I keep my makeup neutral and opt for a soft pink lipstick and dangling chandelier earrings in silver. For my shoes, the seamstress sent over strappy white sandals. I tie them around my calves and add a large silver ring. I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror, though. I already know tonight won’t end well.
Forcing myself to swallow my nerves, I lie to myself, trying to convince my own disobeying mind that everything will be fine. Then, I descend the stairs into the salon.
I’m greeted by candlelight and open balcony doors, which make the silk curtains billow lightly in the wind. A feast is laid out on the table, but my gaze doesn’t stop there. Instead, it finds Heath’s heated gaze where he sits at the head of the table.
“Exquisite,” he mutters, as I take a deep breath and close the salon doors after me. “You look impeccable, Sunshine.”
I walk up to him and press a chaste kiss against his cheek. I can tell this upset him, but I’m too panicked to worry about it now.
Heath looks good enough to eat in a slightly open white shirt that clings to his toned torso. His slacks are dark gray like his eyes, and he’s wearing leather loafers. I’m hit with a visceral reminder of Heath forcing me to lick his friends’ shoes in the garden. I’m shocked that the memory is followed by an intense heat in my center. It’s the first time I’ve felt truly desperate since my return, and the overwhelming feeling makes my cheeks flush a dark red.
“Hungry?” Heath asks, and I shake my head.
“I haven’t been able to eat much.”
“I’m not hungry either,” Heath says, keeping his gaze trained on me. I shiver as I feel it drinking in my body in the revealing dress. “Well, maybe for something else.”
“Heath, I...”
“What?” he demands. “Another excuse, Sunshine? You barely let me touch you. You don’t sleep next to me. Don’t you want me close?”
“I do,” I admit, my voice breaking over the words. “But I... I...”
“What?” He picks himself up and saunters over to where I’m standing by the balcony. His firm hand finds the small of my back and he gently touches his skin to mine. “Tell me. I’m never going to make you do something you don’t want. Do you not want me anymore?”
Silently, I shake my head. “No, it’s not that.”
“Then what?”
I raise my eyes to meet his. I’m so tempted to tell him of all the sick thoughts racing through my head. But I can’t. What if one of them is true? What if Heath really doesn’t want me anymore? Will he send me back to Xavier if he realizes I’m of no use to him anymore?
“Sunshine, don’t cry.” Heath pulls out an embroidered handkerchief from his pocket and dabs at my eyes. I didn’t even realize tears were welling in my face, and as he cages my face with his hand, my lower lip trembles with fear. “Please, just tell me what’s going on, Rain. I want to help you.”
I swallow, nodding mutely. I believe he wants to help me. But the fear of being rejected, being sent back to the Palacio, is worse than my burning desire to confess the truth. And once again, I don’t answer.
“Rain.”
I can’t even bring myself to look at Heath anymore, so I close my eyes. Once again, I force myself to go to my safe place where no one can reach me and no one can hurt me.
“Goddamnit it, Rain. Don’t do this to me.”
I still can’t answer, but then Heath presses his lips to mine. This is our first proper kiss since we’ve been reunited, and there are so many emotions tangled up in it, it makes me go weak at the knees. But Heath’s hand finds the small of my back and he holds me up against him, softly whispering my name as he places his mouth on mine.
He kisses me deeply, as if he’s trying to make up for lost time. But I find it hard to relax, give in completely. The knowledge that I’m not the same woman I was when I was kidnapped has made me incapable of acting on my emotions.
There’s no doubt about it—every spark of the fire between Heath and me is still there, burning brightly and eager to become a full-fledged flame. But I can’t give in. I can’t relax. My body stiffly awaits the end of the kiss. This seems to enrage Heath, and he pulls back. The way he looks at me now makes me scared.
