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We go from me comforting her for what I did to her, to her comforting me for what I did to myself. Deep shame threatens to swallow me up as she holds onto me like a survivor to a shipwreck.
That’s when I realize something. If I don’t get out of this mess I’ve gotten myself into, I may lose Rain. My addiction is fucking killing me.
“It’s okay,” Rain whispers into my ear as I groan with pain. “I’ll make it all go away. I’ll help you get better. I’ll make you feel right again. I’ll be right here, right by your side. I’m here, Heath. I’m always here for you.”
Her tone is so soft and soothing, I believe her. My body shakes and I keep wondering whether she’ll put me out of my misery and tell me to take another hit. But she doesn’t say a word, not even when I get up and pace the room like a madman.
“I can’t take it,” I mumble. “I need more.”
She sits up in bed, watching me and not saying a word.
“Don’t fucking judge me, Rain,” I hiss. “Don’t you dare judge me.”
She shakes her head, muttering, “I’m sorry.”
“You will be,” I snarl before realizing I’ve completely lost control yet again. Groaning, I run my fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry, Sunshine. I’m so fucked up.”
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers. “Come back to bed.”
“I can’t.” I shake my head vehemently. “I need another hit. I can’t live without another hit. I need it right fucking now.”
“You don’t,” she says in a pleading voice. “I’ll make it better.”
“You can’t.” I want to fucking scream with frustration, but I know that won’t ease the pain, either. The only thing that can help me right now is the drugs Rain despises so much. “I’m sorry, Sunshine. So fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she murmurs. I can’t even wait for her to finish.
I’m already out of the door and running to find more of the poison I depend on. Anything will do right now, fucking anything. Pills, powder, a shot, I don’t give a shit, as long as it fucks me up.
I stuff my mouth with a few pills littering my pockets. I search the salon like a madman, tearing apart pillows and overturning tables to find something. There’s some white residue left on the floor, and I kneel, greedily forcing it up my nose. Then I fall back against the couch, trying to catch my breath.
While the pills take longer to kick in, I soon feel the welcome numbness I crave. I know the drugs are kicking in, and my body sags with relief at the realization. Rain’s worry disappears from my thoughts as I lean back, hallucinating the most vivid images of her naked. I lie there for what feels like hours, recovering from the dose I just took.
My mind spins with images of Rain, all the experiences we’ve had together mashing into a never ending show of moments I’ll never forget. It’s undeniably addicting to do this, to let myself succumb to the hallucinogenic effect of the drugs and watch my life play out in glorious technicolor. It makes me forget about anything and everything else. Nothing exists but me and the thought of Rain coming alive in my mind and seducing me with her unforgettable sweet innocence. I forget she’s right next door, succumbing to the image of her in my mind as the drugs pull me deeper under their influence, rendering me useless to the outside world. But it doesn’t matter.
None of it does, because in this place, in between consciousness and reality, nobody can steal Rain Ferrell away from me. Just like it was when I was fighting for my life.
By the time I come to it’s already morning. I straighten my suit and clean up the mess I’ve made before calling a maid to finish up the rest. I’ll pretend like nothing even happened, and I’m sure Rain will go along with it.
She’s such a good girl, after all.
Chapter ten
Chapter 16
RAIN
“I want you to teach me something,” I say softly the moment Heath rounds the corner. I crane my neck to ensure he’s out of earshot before smirking at Liberato’s crestfallen face. “I want you to teach me how to say a few things to use when… you know.”
“I don’t know,” he mutters, glaring at me. “Is this something Heath would approve of?”
“Definitely.”
I can’t help the smile fighting its way onto my face. I can already imagine Heath’s reaction to the phrases I want to learn. He’s going to love it.
“So, is there something particular you’d like to say to my brother? Something he’ll definitely like?”
I leaned over. Instantly, Liberato stiffened, and I could tell he was unnerved by my presence. He was probably worrying about what Heath would think if he saw us standing this close to one another. He’d been pissed off before when we spent any time together. This is bound to drive him crazy. But I have no ulterior motive for doing this. Not this time.
