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The shaking gets so bad I can’t even move anymore. Even though murderous thoughts are still racing through my head, I don’t even have enough energy to lift my hand, let alone attack anybody. So I let Rain cover me with a soft blanket. I’m cold even though I’m sweating bullets, but she doesn’t seem to mind any of that as she curls up next to me.
“Do you want to know a story?” Rain asks softly, and I nod against her chest as she holds me close. I haven’t been comforted like this since my parents died. I allow myself to accept it even though my mind is still raging for more of the poison I know will eventually kill me.
“What story?” I mutter.
“A fairytale.”
I don’t answer, groaning in pain. But she hushes me softly and settles into the crook of my arm. Her fingers absent-mindedly trace fingers over my chest and I find my breaths slowing down as she speaks in a soft, dreamlike tone.
“Once upon a time,” Rain begins. “There was a girl who lived with her grandmother. And there was also a boy, who lived with an evil uncle. They were meant to be married, promised to one another as children.”
I settle against her even though convulsions and nervous spasms keep rocking my body. But her voice is so soothing, I can’t help but follow along with the story.
“They were meant to be together, but the world threw obstacle after obstacle at them,” Rain goes on.
Her voice drifts on and I listen intently even though my head is pounding with pain and a million screams. But she’s got the gift of storytelling a fairytale so smoothly, I find myself listening along no matter how hard it is to focus on anything but the raging pain inside me.
I know her story is about us, but the way she tells it never makes me doubt there will be a happy ending. I’m getting emotional as fuck just listening to her speak.
I remember all the people who have died, so I can be here today.
My parents.
Manuel, my cellmate.
All the people I killed because the fucked-up underground fighting gangs made me do it.
And last, Diego. The man I fucking killed. The man whose daughters I already know are going to come after me one day, and with good reason, too. I fucking tortured their father, after all.
But because of Rain’s voice that sounds like an angel’s, I feel as if fortune itself has smiled down on me. With her by my side, I can endure anything.
Even though the pain is overwhelming, I force myself to focus on the sweet Sunshine right next to me. I let her hold me, caress me, and whisper to me that everything is going to be okay. She tells me stories about her parents, her Nana. She speaks about my parents, too, details I haven’t even told her emerging from the stories, making me realize she’s done her research when she was with Xavier. She never stopped hoping, never stopped believing that we’d end up together.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter when there’s a lull in her storytelling. “I’m so fucking sorry for everything I’ve put you through, Sunshine.”
She looks up and we kiss, barely touching our lips together but sharing so much at that moment. My heart swells with the meaning of it all.
“You never have to say you’re sorry,” she whispers. “Not to me. I understand it all.”
I want to tell her more. That she’s the reason I wake up every morning, take a breath when I come up for air. She’s the reason I live and the reason I want to get better. I’ve picked Rain over myself in my sick, fucked up mind. Because my mind still wants drugs. But I want Rain.
I don’t get to finish my thought. With a roar, I pick myself up from the bed again, running my fingers through my sweat soaked hair. I pick myself up and pace the room until I catch sight of myself in the mirror.
I look different from what I’m used to. I look like the old me, the young man who was imprisoned and forced to fight. Too thin, with bulging muscles in certain spots, and ribs showing. I’ve lost weight. My hair needs a fucking wash and my beard is getting long. I look like a goddamn mess. My eyes are crazed with the need for something I should’ve never gotten addicted to.
And when I turn to face Rain, I don’t see her as the woman I’ve always been in love with. I see her as my fucking prey.
I shake my head to get the thought out. I can’t do this, can’t let myself go there. And yet it’s all I fucking want. To break my promise yet again and give her a rough fucking she won’t be able to forget, no matter how hard she tries.
