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In the past, my word wasn’t that credible, but it had been almost seven fuckin’ months since I’ve stepped out. I was done with that shit. Two things were going to happen from me continuing to fuck around on Twinkle; she was going to snap and kill my ass, or she was going to leave me for good, and there wouldn’t be shit that I could do to get her back. I realized that shit months ago, which is why my black ass had been faithful.
I was working on getting out of the streets. That right there was like my main priority. I had the ring and everything, and once this hustling shit was over, I planned to propose. On top of that, I had a house being built from the ground up for Twinkle and me. That house had been in the works for almost two years, and no one knew about that shit but my mama. I hated that I was accused of some shit when I knew that I was out here doing right.
Before all of this shit happened, Twinkle and I were in a good space. Billion was home, after serving his five years, and shit was just cool. Yeah, I wasn’t home as much as she wanted me to be, but when I was home, a nigga was so fuckin’ good to her ass, man. She would often be tired from working at the doctor’s office plus doing her online clothing business. Some days I would purposely beat her home, so I could already have dinner cooked, her bathwater ran, with her pajamas and shit already laid out on the bed. Then, when it came to Dream, I treated that little girl like she was my fuckin’ daughter.
A year ago, when Loyal went in for that shit load of charges and the judge hit her with ten years, Twinkle let me know that she was going to file for temporary custody of Dream and have her move in with us. I ain’t ask no questions about it, I just went with the flow. I stepped up, and it was because of Dream living with us that I even knew a little something about being a father. I may fuck up here and there when it came to Twinkle, but since Dream moved in with us, I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t there for that little girl. Yeah, Dream had her daddy in the picture and whatnot, but she stayed with us, so ultimately, I did a lot for Dream.
I was a good man to Twinkle, and as much as I loved the fuck out of that girl, I was done. There was no point in me staying with someone who I knew for a fact I would end up resenting, probably for the rest of my life.
“Why you not saying nothing? You must be on her side like you always are. I swear, that woman can kill me, and you’ll still try to justify the shit that she did. You something else, man,” I said, pissed with my mama as I moved the plate of breakfast that was sitting in front of me.
It was Saturday morning, and I was at my mama’s house because this was where I had been staying for the past two weeks. I could have still been sleeping at the old house since I knew that Twinkle wasn’t going to be over there, but I ain’t want to be in a place that used to be filled with so much love, and now the shit was just dead. As much as I didn’t want to step foot in that house, I had to drop by later today because a nigga needed some more clothes and shit.
My mama was standing in the kitchen with her back propped up on the kitchen counter. She stared at me as she took a drink from her coffee mug. I know society hates when people say this, but this woman right here was both mother and father to me growing up. I ain’t never have a daddy in the picture. I knew who the fuck nigga was, though, because when I was younger, he would pop in and out of my life, just to say he popped up, but that was it. The nigga ain’t ever help take care of me.
When my birthday came around or Christmas, he made it clear that those holidays didn’t have shit to do with him, and he didn’t even try to go out of his way to come and see me at least. He ain’t ever attend any major moments in my life, like when I always made the honor roll in school. When I graduated from high school… nothing. I hadn’t seen the nigga in years, and because I’d forced myself to forget about the nigga, he could literally walk right past me today, and I wouldn’t even know it was him.
My mama had me when she was twenty years old. At that time, she had just graduated from nursing school and shit. We struggled a little bit when I was a kid, but it was never no shit where we were homeless. If anything, I probably just wore the same pair of shoes for a whole school year or the same uniform and shit, but shit like that was normal. When you grow up not having much, that need to have something is increased times ten, which is why I turned to the streets by the time I was fourteen.
As a little nigga, I saw how the older niggas were living, so I wanted to live like that too. Because I was best friends with Billion, I saw the way his daddy was living. Billion’s daddy was a hustler, and he had all the fly shit. All the lil niggas, myself included, wanted to be like him.
I remember when my mama found a baggie of coke in my room, under my mattress, that I was supposed to sell the next day. Mannnnn, she fucked my little ass up in that bedroom. It didn’t even matter that she beat me the way she did or screamed to me how she didn’t want me hustling, because I ended up doing the shit anyway. I was hardheaded like a motha fucka, and once I had my mind made up about doing something, there was literally nothing that anyone could say or do to change my mind. Besides, it was because of my hustling that my mama ain’t ever have to work a day in her life again. This beautiful ass house that she was living in was paid for. Her bank account was full, so she was straight for life.
“I’m not on anybody’s side. I’m just letting you vent because I know you’re angry. You’re probably not going to agree with me when I say this, but I personally feel like a woman having a man’s baby is something that you have to earn, and—”
I cut her off by sucking my teeth because from that right there, I just knew that she was about to say some bullshit. What the fuck did she mean, having my baby is something that’s earned? That’s stupid.
“Hear me out before you catch an attitude. In the black community, I feel like it’s not enough wives or fiancées. All we see these days are baby mamas. Women around the world are having these niggas’ babies, and after that, it’s like you’re stuck in that box of being nothing more than a baby mama. Other than that, what woman wants to be a baby mama to a nigga who isn’t going to do shit but cheat on her every second he gets? I ain’t saying that Twinkle is right for what she did, but you men be out here thinking that you can do whatever the fuck you want, while a woman is supposed to sit at home, do all the hard work, and wait for you to bring your ass back.
“I personally know how it feels to raise a child on my own. It’s not easy at all. I’m not saying that Twinkle would have to raise y’all child on her own, but son, I see you maybe two times out of the damn month. You always on your grind. On top of that, you are heavy in the streets. Why bring a child into some turmoil like this? You are in a field where your chances of getting life in prison are at an all-time high. I’m not agreeing with her decision, but damn, as a woman, I can see why she did what she did,” my mama told me.
I didn’t even say anything; I just sat there quietly. It was crazy because there was so much more that I wanted to say, but I didn’t. If I did, I would probably end up disrespecting her, so I was just going to keep my mouth closed.
“She called me the day after all of this happened. I didn’t tell you because around that time, you were too mad for me to even get a word in. She was hysterical, to the point that I couldn’t even hear shit that she was saying. Eventually, she got herself together and started talking to me. She wanted me to know that the abortion that she had wasn’t a way to get back at you, but her just really feeling like the two of you weren’t in a position to have a baby at that time. She says that the abortion happened two years ago. She plans to keep this baby and—”
“Yeah, ma, because she don’t have a fuckin’ choice! I told her that I would kill her ass if she killed this baby!” I snapped.
“We talked yesterday, and she’s still going through the motions. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a conversation. Her crying like that every second of the day, there isn’t going to be no damn baby because the way she’s over there stressing herself out, she’ll end up losing this one,” she t
old me.
“Yeah, which is what she wants to happen in the first place,” I said and then stood up from the chair because I was getting ready to head up the stairs and get dressed.
“What’s this about you having another baby on the way? Twinkle told me that you told her that. Is that true?” my mama asked.
“You know Trinity, right? I haven’t seen that girl in months. If we’re going to be honest, seven months to be exact. I remember because Twinkle and I had got into this big ass fight when she saw the text messages in my phone from me texting her. You know how bad that shit had gotten with us and how Twinkle pulled a gun out on me and everything. I ain’t been fuckin’ with Trinity or no other bitches since then because that’s when it hit me for real that Twinkle had the power to kill my black ass.
“Anyway, Trinity hit me the night that Twinkle accused me of fuckin’ around on her. She asked me to come over because she had something important to tell me. The only reason I went over is that she wasn’t trying to pick up the phone and tell me what was going on. Deep down inside, I wanted to know, so after I finished what I was doing, I popped up. She met me at the door with a big ass fuckin’ belly, talking about she pregnant with my son!” I snapped, getting mad at the shit all over again.
“Wow. Is there a chance that the baby could be yours?” my mama asked, and I ran my hand down my face.
“I strap up with Trinity or any other woman outside of Twinkle. I know this a little bit too much information, but we done had lil malfunctions when the condom done popped, but Trinity was on the pill, so I always thought we were straight. On top of that, I know that I wasn’t the only one she was fuckin’, although she was screaming that shit out of her mouth. I told her straight up to call me when she goes into labor, and the second the baby gets here, I want a DNA test. If that’s my child, I gotta do what the fuck I gotta do. If it ain’t, I’m getting the fuck on.
“As mad as I am with Twinkle, it doesn’t make me feel good that I could have possibly had a baby on her. I wasn’t even going to tell her this shit until Trinity had the baby, and I found out the results. That night, I swear she just pushed me there, so I threw it out on some petty shit. The way I see it, we both hurting because I could have had a son or a daughter right now, but she robbed a nigga of my chance to experience that,” I said.
I didn’t even wait for my mama to respond; instead, I just got the fuck on. I was staying in one of the guest bedrooms that my mama had at the house. The room was nice and all, but I swear, there was no better feeling than sleeping in your own damn bed.
After I showered and shit, I ended up throwing on some sweats and a wife beater with some slides. There were a few things that I needed to take care of today. For one, I needed to get a fuckin’ haircut because, for two weeks, I had been thuggin’ it with all this hair on my damn face, looking like a caveman. I wanted to also check on the house that was supposed to be for Twinkle and me. All the money I had invested in that shit, and I didn’t even know if I wanted to be doing that shit anymore. I could still keep the home for myself, but the shit that I was building for that house, it was meant for a family.
