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Now, here we were, watching a life get buried into the dirt, and all I could do was stand there and wish that all this shit was a dream. The roses were dropped down onto the casket, and people started walking back to their cars. Out of everybody standing out there, my eyes landed on Twinkle. I still loved shorty; shit, I would always love her, but I swear, my stomach ain’t even do that thing it used to do when I saw her in the past. I used to get butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever she came around. A lot of that had to do with the fact that she was really engaged to that basketball nigga and walking around with that big ass, unnecessary rock on her finger.
She wasn’t standing that far away from me, so I could see the hickies all on her throat that looked like it was going in a pattern. Twinkle wore big Chanel frames, which took up the majority of her face. Although my body didn’t react to her in ways it used to, I couldn’t even lie and say she didn’t look good because she did. She was dressed in a black pantsuit that clung to her body just a little bit. Her weight was up, but that shit looked good on her. She wore long, jet black, straight hair that touched her ass, and from her stance alone, I could tell that life was good for her. I would have to walk past her to get to my car, so I would have to speak.
“What’s good?” I asked once I neared her.
She removed her sunglasses. It was a little awkward to be in this moment with her because I was so used to walking up on her, squeezing her ass, and literally trying to shove my tongue down her damn throat. Now, it wasn’t any of that.
“Hey,” was all she said. It wasn’t a dry hey, but it was real short and simple.
“Sorry about your loss. I know you loved him just as much as Billion did. Malcom was a good ass dude,” I said, and she nodded at my words.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
I stood there for a few seconds, and when I couldn’t think of shit else to say, I was prepared to walk away.
“So, you’re not going to tell me the news out of your own mouth? I mean, I already know what it is, but for closure, I would just love to hear you say it,” Twinkle said, grabbing my arm, so I couldn’t walk away from her.
She jumped in front of me and stood there with her arms folded across her chest. Although we were no longer together, I could still see that she was somewhat hurt because I’d had this baby on her. If that had never happened, I knew that Twinkle and I would have still been together. When we broke up, I wasn’t fuckin’ around on her; I swear I wasn’t. The only thing she competed with was the streets, and it would not be that way for long, because all I needed was a chance to tie up some loose ends.
When Trinity told me she was pregnant, she was already a couple of months, so the shit didn’t define what I was doing and how I had changed. I could plead to Twinkle until I was blue in the face and tell her I fucked around with Trinity when we were on one of those stupid ass breaks, but I knew that it wouldn’t make the shit right.
“That’s my daughter. I’ll admit that a part of me was talking in circles when I told you because I ain’t want to hurt you, and—”
“No, a part of you was lying because you wanted to have your cake and eat it, but go off,” she said, cutting me off.
I released a sigh, trying to be thoughtful of the fact that, for one, I was wrong in this situation, and two, she’d just lost her uncle. So, I didn’t want to jump down her throat right no
w.
“If I had to lie to protect your feelings, then yeah, call it that. Twink, I don’t think you understand how much a nigga loved you, yo. You think it made me feel good to know that I did the ultimate fuck up and got another broad pregnant? Not only did I get somebody else pregnant, but you found out about it damn near right when you miscarried our baby, and for that, I’m sorry. At one point in time, I was drinking every fuckin’ day, just to cope with the way that I hurt you. I had niggas in my ear and my mama, telling me how I lost a good woman, and I was just trying to find a way to come to a full understanding of that.
“The night I took you to the hospital, and it was confirmed that the baby had died, I knew I lost you then. I swear I saw that shit in your eyes. I love you in a way that I want you to be happy, regardless, and I’m at a point in my life now where I’m okay with the fact that it ain’t going to be me who makes you happy. You a beautiful woman, you made a great ass girlfriend for me, but I was just too immature at the time to really accept all of you and the love you were giving me. When you go back home to that nigga, you make sure to tell him I said that he’s a lucky man to have you.
“I got a daughter. A daughter who literally has my entire face, and I know you ain’t about to accept that. I’m not even going to put you in a situation to have to accept it anymore. Shit ain’t gotta be awkward between us, though. Billion is my family, which makes you family too, so we can speak when we see each other. It ain’t gotta be beef when we come around each other,” I told her, and she nodded her head up and down.
“I think being cordial is the only thing that I’m willing to accept. I wouldn’t want to be friends. That wouldn’t do anything but complicate this even further. I wish you the best with your family, and that little daughter that you have, she’s adorable. Take care, Monterius.” Twinkle leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and then she walked away.
I watched her until I couldn’t watch her anymore.
After lingering around for a few more minutes, talking to more of the family, I headed out. I was getting ready to pick up Trinity and Tegan. Trinity hardly ever left the house because she was letting Mommy life consume her. Today, I was looking into potential spaces because I wanted to take this restaurant thing that I had been talking about more seriously. I couldn’t cook shit to save my life, but I had a good taste for some good food, so one thing I was looking forward to doing was opening some soul food restaurants/bars in Miami because I didn’t feel that we had much of that here.
I wanted to go for the old, hole in the wall kind of vibe. I had an image in my head of what I wanted to do, and now it was just time to bring it to life. I’ve accepted the fact that I was out of the streets for good now. Although I had enough money to last a couple of lifetimes saved up, I still wanted to do something that would keep me busy, so I wouldn’t miss that street life and jump back in headfirst.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to do some shit that would make my mama proud. Yeah, I done brought her a few exotic cars over the years, and yeah, I had her living in a nice spot, but all that was done with drug money. I wanted to do some legit shit, where she could brag on me because I knew how much it meant to her for me to get out of the streets.
Once I pulled my car into the parking lot of the apartments where Trinity lived, I got out with my gym bag in my hands, so I could change out of my funeral clothes. The shit I was doing with Trinity was similar to the shit that we had been doing since Tegan came home from the hospital, which wasn’t shit but co-parenting, and of course, getting to know each other on a deeper level. I fucked with the type of woman that Trinity was when it came to running her business and being a mother. Next week, she was planning to go back into work, doing her dance classes, so I would have to actually start picking my daughter up and taking her with me for a few hours. My mama had gladly jumped at the opportunity to be our personal babysitter.
I made it to the door and knocked a couple of times. In a few short moments, I heard the locks turn from the other side. The door opened, and Trinity stood there, already dressed, which was good because I knew how women could take forever and a damn day to get ready. She flashed a quick smile then rushed back to finish putting Tegan in her car seat. I could hear my baby fussing from the door.
“I’m right here, Mommy. I had to open the door for your daddy,” Trinity said to our daughter in her soft voice.
I walked over and looked down at my daughter. She was nicely dressed in a Gucci romper with some pretty sandals on her feet. I reached my finger down and let her cuff onto it like she always did when I came around.
“Are you okay? How was the funeral? I know that’s not a proper question to ask, but I’ve been to some funerals where people would show out,” Trinity said and stood, now that she had Tegan strapped in her car seat.
Trinity looked good. I mean, shorty didn’t even look like she had a newborn baby at the house. The gray, cotton dress she wore clung to her body, and her stomach was back to being flat like it was before she had the baby.
“Nah, ain’t nobody bring that shit there. They sent him out in style, though. Drove him through his old hood that he grew up in, we passed his youth park, and then we took him to the cemetery. He was laid down right next to his mama,” I told her, and she nodded.
