AllFreeNovel
Share Us
As hard as a nigga was, as much as I wanted to be in tune with my manliness and not cry, I ended up shedding a few tears myself as I watched the woman I loved first sit across from me and break down like this. I got myself together and wiped my eyes, although they were shackled, so it made it a little hard.
“I ain’t regret it in the beginning because, honestly, mama, I didn’t think that shit was going to get this bad. When the cops eventually found me, I really thought they were going to hit me with a little petty domestic charge. I ain’t believe Denim when she told me that she was pregnant because that
bitch lies so fuckin’ much that I couldn’t believe shit that came out of her mouth that day. On top of that, I zoned out when I put my hands on her, so I really ain’t think the damage was that bad.
“Hell yeah, I regret it. I’m walking away from three fuckin’ kids, Ma. Three kids that I so easily failed with just one careless ass action. I wish I could go back in time and handle things a little bit differently, but I can’t, Ma. I don’t need you giving up on me. You the only person I got right now. Look at me, Ma. I’m going to die in this bitch. Don’t make me do this shit alone.
“Another thing I need you to do for me. Please, Ma… please, please try to reach out to Denim. I just want to be able to have pictures of my kids sent here in the mail. I won’t push my luck and tell you that you gotta bring them here because I know she’s not going to let that shit happen. She hates a nigga, and she has every right to. Just please try to have a relationship with my kids,” I told her.
I placed my hands on the table, held onto hers, and squeezed them, needing her to know how serious this shit was to me.
“I’ll try, Reggie, but I won’t make any promises. God, I’m so disappointed in you,” she said.
I nodded, knowing that I couldn’t say or do anything to change the way she felt about me. Our visitation was over in about five more minutes, and when my mama got up to leave, I let my eyes linger on her for as long as they possibly could because something told me that I wasn’t going to see her again for a while. This shit was too painful for her to continue doing, even if all I needed was for her to come down and see me at least once a month. If I couldn’t get her to see me at all, then I would try my best to accept that, but I just needed her to pick up the phone whenever a nigga called.
I stood up with the rest of the inmates, and as we walked back to our cell, I thought about my baby girl, Rylo, and how a nigga had failed her too. The eleven-year-old baby girl that I had with Denim when I was only eighteen. Man, I failed that little girl. I may not have been shit to a lot of other people, but for whatever reason, that little girl thought the world of me. Before all this shit went down with Denim and me, I had Rylo staying with me. I took her on some petty shit after Denim let that fuck nigga put his hands on me. In the time that Rylo was staying with me, she and I had formed a bond that was tighter than it had ever been.
Like I said, I had Rylo when I was a teenager, and I didn’t know what the fuck to do when it came to being a father, so I’ve made a lot of different fuck ups here and there. Right when I was getting it right with my daughter, I fucked it up. Then, there was the new baby that Denim was carrying, who I would never even get the chance to know. This situation was a prime example of how one simple fuck up can cost your life. The chains that bound me as I walked back to my prison cell, which I was in for about twenty-two hours a day, was now my reality, and there wasn’t shit I could do to change the circumstances.
“Girl, your ass is hugeeee! How the hell you supposed to tote that belly around for another two months? See, that’s why I make all my niggas strap up with me because I’m not about to be walking around all big and shit, and barely able to see my own damn cooch,” Sidnesha’s cousin, Roheem, said.
He had been talking shit since he came through the damn door. As annoyed as a bitch wanted to be with him running his mouth and giving his opinion where it wasn’t needed, I couldn’t do shit but double over in laughter at his stupid ass. It was the night before my daughter’s birthday and her big Cinderella party. The three of us were making candy bags and other little things that had us slaving for Khari to celebrate her big day. I had helped out as much as I could until my back started hurting, so now I was just lying on the couch, watching Nesha and Roheem as they worked.
“You can let them niggas go raw all they want to. We all know you ain’t pushing no baby out, Roheem. The shit ain’t even possible,” I said and switched positions because this baby was just moving all over the damn place, and it was hard to get comfortable.
I couldn’t believe I was bringing another damn daughter into this world. It was like God didn’t want to see me be great with a son, so he kept giving me all these damn girls. God, I wish the circumstances of this pregnancy would have been a little different, but it wasn’t, so I couldn’t do anything but deal with it. It felt like my damn mama and my two kids were my baby daddy because they were the ones waiting on me hand and foot, and they were the ones who went with me to all my doctors’ appointments. Because I didn’t have a partner to go through this experience with me, I think that was why I had been so snappy lately.
It wasn’t in my plans to wake up and be back on the old shit that I was on in the past, but I was going through some shit right now, and I really wasn’t happy. I was just trying to find my damn self. My motor skills had improved, and I was walking on my own now. I wasn’t relying on my crutches or the cane, but there were other things, like the permanent scar on the side of my face, or the braces that I would get in a few weeks because my teeth were kind of fucked up after being pistol whipped in the face with a gun. There were just all kinds of ugly scars on my body, and that was hard for me to accept.
The biggest injury of all was me waking up and finding my daughters clinging to other women. While I was in a coma, my oldest daughter, Rylo, had spent a lot of her time with my mother. Now that I was up, she still clung to her. I could be sitting right in the same room with Rylo and my mother, and if she needed something simple done, like putting her hair into a ponytail, she’d go to my mother instead of me. Shit like that hurt. Although I knew my kids weren’t doing it intentionally, it just made me feel like they thought I was incapable of doing certain things.
Don’t even get me started on Khari’s little ass. I really believed that if she could snap her fingers and have Normani be her biological mother, she would do it in a second. She put that bitch on a pedestal that I don’t think she’s ever had me on, and I’d been in her life for five damn years.
It was the night before my daughter’s birthday, and I wanted her to spend the night with us, so when she woke up in the morning, I could cook all her favorite breakfast foods. This little girl hard down cried this evening, wanting to go to her daddy’s house, and hurting my little feelings. Granted, my daughter still ended up staying with me, but she cried herself to sleep because she wanted to go to her daddy’s house. Khari was too young to understand, but a lot of the things she did these days hurt me.
That shit right there was the reason why I couldn’t stand this Normani bitch. Granted, I didn’t care for the hoe from the moment I met her, but now that it felt like she was turning my daughter against me, I really didn’t like her ass. She would be at the party tomorrow, and Billion had already lectured me about not being on my bullshit tomorrow, so I was going to try. I would simply not say anything to her. Not to say that I couldn’t be mature, but I didn’t see myself being that damn mature to the point that I would be friends with the bitch like Sidnesha was.
Sidnesha was cool with the bitch and had been invited to their baby shower that was coming up in a few months and everything.
“You can believe it’s impossible all you want to, miss thang. You lil’ bitches can’t do nothing that I can’t do,” Roheem said to me with all that damn sass.
I laughed, and then I waved him off. My attention went over to Nesha, who was texting away on her phone, not paying her cousin and me any attention as she smiled from ear to ear. There was a huge rock on her finger because she was now engaged to that fine ass barber, Chris. Nesha’s birthday was yesterday, and when she came in a couple hours ago, that huge rock on her finger was the first thing I saw.
She had the video on her phone of the proposal that Chris had done last night, and the whole time I was watching the video, I found myself cheesing for her and hoping to God that one day I would be blessed with a man who loved me like that. I was happy for Sidnesha because I knew her story. Once she and I actually formed a good relationship, she ended up telling me about some of her past with Billion and the many times
he had cheated. For her to have a man of her own now and be this happy, then yeah, I was happy for her because she deserved it. I laughed as I playfully nudged Roheem, so he could look at his cousin and see what I was looking at.
He burst out laughing too while shaking his head.
“Bitch, this is all the fuckin’ time. That skinny ass nigga is fuckin’ the shit out of her thick ass. This bitch is so sprung off him,” Roheem stated before standing up from the carpeted floor and stretching.
He had finished his last candy bag, and Sidnesha was finished as well, so this was pretty much it for the night. Both of my daughters were in the back room, getting their rest because I knew they were going to party hard tomorrow.
Sidnesha finally wrapped up her text message, and then she stood up as well.
“We’re going to put all this stuff in a box and put it in my car, that way, you won’t have to come out tomorrow, carrying anything heavy. Denim, please, for the sake of Khari tomorrow, just chill. I know you don’t too much care for Normani, but just put that shit to the side for the sake of you waking up from your coma in time to be here to celebrate your daughter’s sixth birthday. You know the circumstances could have been much different, so chill out tomorrow,” Sidnesha told me.
“Ima chill. I won’t even say anything to the skinny bitch,” I said, and Sidnesha shook her head while rolling her eyes.
