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“How much you need to love someone before they stay.”
Her heart crumpled. There were no words. And although Rainne knew she’d be unwanted and most likely rebuffed, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. She held him tight. Pressing her cheek to his chest. Listening to that strong heart of his that loved so deeply and hurt so badly.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
She was sorry for her part in his pain. Sorry for the boy who’d been rejected. Sorry for the man who ached. There were no other words.
Slowly, she felt his arms wrap around her and he tugged her close. The warmth of his body engulfed her. She was wrapped in his scent and strength, once again taking from him when she was trying to give. Rainne sobbed against his chest. Wishing with all her heart that she could heal him. Wishing she could go back in time and protect the child. Wishing she could go back and change the day she ran.
Wishing she’d stayed.
14
* Rainne and Alastair *
Alastair couldn’t do this. It was too much. A few hours alone with Rainne and he was kissing and holding her. Hell, he was spilling his guts to her. It wasn’t right. He didn’t want this.
He didn’t want her.
His stomach clenched at the thought. But it was true. It had to be true. Only an idiot would let someone into their life so they could trample all over them again. And he wasn’t an idiot. He’d learned his lesson three years ago. There was no point letting anyone close, because they always ended up leaving. He wasn’t meant to be close to someone. He wasn’t meant to be a part of a family. There was just him and his da, and that was the way it would stay.
It took great effort to step away from Rainne, but he did.
She looked up at him with tear-reddened eyes and his stomach lurched.
“We need to see if those clothes are dry.” He turned his back on her and checked his jeans. Still damp, but wearable. Which was good, because he felt far too exposed being near-naked around Rainne. “We’re good. Let’s get dressed.”
It was a subdued Rainne who took her clothes and went into the bathroom to get dressed. Alastair tugged on his jeans and hoped she didn’t want to talk when she came back out. He was well and truly done with the talking part of their evening. In fact, if he never had to talk about his past or his feelings again, that would be great. Why he’d told her that stuff, he didn’t know. It wasn’t like he thought about his mother all the time. He’d dealt with it. He was over it. It was in the past. Where it belonged.
Like Rainne.
She needed to stay in the past. This time with her was muddying things in his head. He scrunched his eyes shut. He should never have kissed her. It must have been the pain. His head, ribs and wrist had ached, and it had been warm by the fire. Then she was touching him and her fragrance was everywhere. It was too hard not to taste her.
But he wouldn’t do it again.
Once, because he’d been delirious with pain. That was it.
He looked at the door to the bathroom as it opened.
Aye. Once was enough. For old times’ sake. To say a final goodbye. That’s all it was. And he didn’t need to do it again. His eyes lingered on her lips. Only the once...
“Okay, I’m dressed,” Rainne said with that fake cheer she’d always used when she felt out of her depth.
“Good.” He hoped that was all she had to say.
“How are your injuries?”
“Fine.”
“Need more painkillers?”
“No.” Yeah, this was going great. Nothing awkward about this conversation. “Look, we don’t need to talk. I’m okay with silence.”
She blinked those pale blue eyes of hers, and he noticed she’d tied her hair up in a messy bun with an elastic band. Although it was strange to see her without the dyed rainbow mass that used to frame her face, he had to admit the soft brown colour made her eyes more luminous.
He watched those expressive eyes signal that something crazy was going on in her fluffy little mind. As long as it stayed in
her head and didn’t escape out of her mouth, he was fine with her thinking whatever she liked.
