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"So, she found out and thinks I'm a heartless mercenary jerk."
"You of all the men I know are not a heartless mercenary jerk. If she doesn't know that by now, she's either dim or you haven't shown her who you really are. If you've told her how you feel and she turns you down, let her go."
"I can't let her go." I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
He chuckled. "You're in love."
"I just met her two weeks ago," I said in protest.
"You're in love."
"How can you tell?"
"You wouldn't be calling me otherwise," he said with a laugh. "If she was just a fuck, you wouldn’t think twice about her and you wouldn't be calling your little brother for advice."
"Come to think of it, I don't even know why I'm calling you, of all my brothers. You're the one who never plans on getting married or falling in love."
"Oh, I intend to fall in love, but I just plan on doing it over and over again. I don't want to deprive the female race of my attentions." He laughed out loud at that. "But you and I are fundamentally different. You need more than that. I know, I know-Christie hurt you. Don't let your experience with her change you into a cold hard-hearted loner. That's not you."
I didn't respond for a moment, letting it sink in.
"Look, even I can tell you're in love with this woman. Own it. Go and tell her you're in love with her. Give her a chance to tell you she's in love with you or she isn't. Then, if she doesn't love you back, let her go."
"How could she love me? We just met two weeks ago."
"Hey, stranger things have happened. If you feel like you can't be wit
hout her, tell her."
"Okay."
"There. That's settled," he said, sounding pleased. "Call me back and let me know what happens. If she tells you she's not in love with you, come out here for a week and we'll go surfing and try to make you forget her."
"Okay."
"Bye, big brother. Love you."
"Love you back, little brother."
Then I hung up.
All morning, I paced my room like a caged lion, going over and over in my head what I'd say to Ella. No more texting or email or even phone calls between us. I'd go to her office and I'd do what David said. I'd tell her I'd fallen in love with her and that I wanted to find out where our relationship went.
Of course, I was swamped with meetings and I had business to attend to, so it wasn't until late that afternoon that I had a long enough break to even consider speaking to her. When I finally went to her office, I popped my head in only to find that it was empty.
I checked with the receptionist at the front desk.
"Oh, Ella? She left the office for the day. She and Sharon have been working overtime to get Sharon's presentation ready. I think she went home."
"Thanks," I said and went back to my own office. I sat behind my desk and considered my next move.
I'd have to go to her place if I wanted to talk to her in person. After taking care of some more business I couldn't let slide, I grabbed my jacket and went to the parking garage to get my car and drive to her new place in Chelsea. I had the address from the cashier's check I'd purchased for her. Part of me felt guilty for going there, considering that she didn't invite me, but I'd only do what David suggested – I'd tell her how I felt and then let her decide what happened next.
I'd honor her choice – continue our relationship and see where it went, or end it there and then. I hoped she'd chose to continue and that she felt the same way I did, but I had to be prepared that she saw me as too much trouble or maybe, she just wasn't that into me as I was to her.
I parked my car a block down from her apartment building and walked the rest of the way there. Before I got there, I stopped at a small shop and bought a bouquet of roses and carried them, unwrapped, to her front door. I stood at the entrance and pressed the buzzer to her apartment, waiting, glancing up at the camera in the corner of the entry, smiling and holding up the flowers for her to see.
There was no answer.
