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"You're alive," I said and took his hand, squeezing it. "You have to keep living."
He glanced away, clearly not willing or able to accept that fact.
I realized David was suffering from survivor's guilt, and perhaps a delayed response to the crash finally hitting him. He would have some form of PTSD from the crash and from losing his friend and bandmate. It was normal, but it wasn't good. I'd call the nurse at the hospital and see about getting some counseling for David, so he could get over his guilt at surviving while his friend died.
I grilled us steaks and we had a hastily-made salad and some bread for supper, but no matter how hard Christian and I tried, we couldn't pull David out of his funk. Finally, at about eight thirty, David said he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so we helped him to his room and got him ready. I tucked him into his big empty king-sized four poster in his huge room and he looked so tiny against the covers in that huge room.
So alone.
"See you in the morning," I said and kissed his forehead.
"Thanks, bro," David said. "I know I'm not the best company right now."
"Shh," I said and pulled the covers up over his shoulder. "Just go to sleep. You can call me if you need anything in the night. Your cell is right beside you there on the bed."
He nodded and closed his eyes, but I could tell he was still overly emotional.
I completely understood why. He felt responsible for the deaths. He felt guilty for still being alive.
As much as I wanted to go back to Manhattan and see Ella, I wouldn't leave LA until I knew he was getting psychological counseling.
I was now the head of the family, and the brothers were my responsibility.
9
Ella
Josh texted me at midnight Manhattan time.
JOSH: Hey, pretty lady. How are you? I miss your sweet smile.
I smiled when I read it and texted him right back.
ELLA: I'm fine. I miss you, too. How's David?
I saw the little dots for a long time and realized he was writing a longer text. I hoped it didn't mean David had gotten worse...
Finally, the message popped into my feed.
JOSH: He's fine physically, but emotionally, he's having real problems. He's suffering from survivor's guilt. In addition to Terry dying, the guy in the BMW also died and Terry's wife is pregnant.
ELLA: Oh, I'm so sorry. It wasn't his fault. He wasn't driving, and it was the other guy's fault, right?
JOSH: Yes, it was the other driver at fault. I guess he spilled his coffee and momentarily glanced down and lost control of the wheel. David feels guilty because we stayed, and he and I had an extra beer and so Terry drove instead of him. He figures Terry would be alive if he hadn't.
ELLA: Poor David. You can drive yourself crazy playing 'what if'. Bad things just happen sometimes.
JOSH: I know that, and you know that, but right now, David's blaming himself. I'm going to see about counseling for him. It's hit him really hard.
ELLA: That's good. He needs it, if he feels that way. How are you doing? You were also in the crash and a survivor.
JOSH: I'm fine. Glad to be alive. Sad for the two men who died. I have to be functional for David, so it's taken my mind off myself, I guess. That's a good thing.
ELLA: You have to look after yourself as well. When are you coming back?
JOSH: Once I know that Christian has David's care in hand. He's not teaching this semester so he's happy to stay with David. I'll probably be home in a few days. I'll let you know.
ELLA: Okay.
