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Whoever she was and whatever Josh did with her. It made me sick to even consider him with another woman. Not because of the sex, but because of the betrayal. He'd been betrayed by Christie. I'd been betrayed by Derek.
How could he do that to me?
If he had, I was completely and totally wrong about him.
I realized I had grown far too attached to Josh far too quickly. It was a mistake to let myself fall so easily. I didn't really know him very well, after all.
Of course, he sent me a text asking where I was.
JOSH: Hey, where are you? I popped down to see you and Sharon said you'd gone home with a migraine. Hope you're feeling better, but you really should have told Reg you were leaving. I don't like the thought of you going around on your own until we know who Mr. Fedora really is.
I didn't answer right away but then I realized he'd text me and pester me until I did.
ELLA: I have a really bad migraine. I told you that I get them now and then. They can last a couple of days, so I'm sorry if we have to cancel plans to spend the weekend together. I'll let you know when the migraine lifts. Sorry about this.
JOSH: Don't apologize for something you can't control. Can I come by and look after you? I could bring chicken soup or ice cream, or whatever makes you feel better when you get a migraine. Coffee? Chocolate? Or are those triggers? I can't remember.
ELLA: No, just time and my meds make it better. I'll let you know.
JOSH: Okay. Miss you.
ELLA: Me, too.
I didn't send my usual response filled with XOXOXOs.
I just couldn't do it.
The bus arrived a half hour after midnight and I was one of a dozen peo
ple on the bus from Boston. I was exceptionally tired and sad when I got off the bus and wasn't at all surprised to see my mother waiting beside her car.
"Mom, I told you not to," I said, and we hugged. She was wearing a coat over her pajamas and didn't seem to care.
"I couldn't let you take a cab home so late at night. I don't care what you said. Now, get in and let's get you home."
We drove up to the house and my mom parked the car in the circular driveway. I got out and stood in front of the house I grew up in and breathed in the fresh night air. It smelled a lot different in Concord than in Manhattan.
Of course, I associated that smell with meeting and falling for Josh, and it brought back a wave of sadness that things had fallen apart so quickly after being so promising.
"Come on dear," my mother said, as if sensing my sadness. "Let's get you into your PJs and into your bed."
I let her put her arm around me and lead me inside, glad for the comfort.
Later, after changing into my pajamas, I laid in my bed and she kissed me on the cheek.
"Whatever happened today, it will look better in the morning. Good night, dear."
"Good night mom," I said.
My cell dinged, and I knew it was Josh, so I turned my cell off completely. Then, I turned over, closing my eyes, knowing that sleep would be a long time in coming.
18
Josh
I read over Ella's text and something didn't feel quite right about it.
I remembered that she said she sometimes got headaches, especially when she didn't get enough sleep or was under stress. We'd been staying up late and sometimes waking up to have sex in the middle of the night. Was I running her ragged?
